


it's okay, we're safe now

by Roserosierosy



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Death, Gore, Grieving, Guns, Heavy Angst, Heavy Loss, Heavy Violence, I write this to sad music daily, Knives, M/M, Mafia AU, THIS IS DEPRESSING, happy ending? idk yet, heavy foreshadowing and flashbacks, jongho really is trying his best, jongho really just misses yeosang, lowercase intended, some fluffy scenes too don't worry, tags will update as story goes along, the way it ends is probably for the best, there will be comic relief I promise, this do be kinda dark, this is a mafia au what do you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roserosierosy/pseuds/Roserosierosy
Summary: being the last addition to a very powerful mafia group that already had many years to grow and bond together, meant that jongho didn't really fit in. even though they constantly told him that he was one of them time and time again, he felt he had forced himself into their picture. trying his best on every mission to try and impress them to prove he belonged with them, things started to get out of hand and on one particular mission jongho makes one of the worst mistakes of his life.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Everyone, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 33
Kudos: 56





	1. pleiades

**Author's Note:**

> tw: make sure you read the tags carefully !!
> 
> other than that make sure to enjoy it!

jongho burst into the room next to him, slamming the door shut as quickly as he could. he grabbed a thick four by four that had been laying in a debris pile on the floor of the warehouse and slid it between the rickety handles. his hand then darted down quickly to the wound that he was sporting on his side, pressing his fingers hard enough to try and stop the excessive bleeding. slowly collapsed to the floor, knees buckling under him as his legs finally gave out and the gun in his hand falling out of his grip. the steady drip of the blood spilling onto the concrete was ringing in his ears as he used his forearms to pull his body across the bottom of the floor.

the gaping wound in jongho's calf was splitting apart the more he moved before finally pulling himself up against the wall. his face scrunched in pain, eyebrows furrowed together as he hunched over on himself, blood mixing with sweat as it dripped down into a small puddle from his nose. soon after, tears that he had been subconsciously keeping down sooner joined in the miserable cocktail. the amount of adrenaline running through jongho's veins caused his hands to vibrate with fear and rendered him unable to ever pick his gun up again. 

jongho leaned his head back against the wall, panting as he tried his best to catch his shaky breath. the yelling outside of the room made him cringe and want to shrink in on himself, disappearing to the point where he didn't want anyone to find him. when he pulled his right hand away from his side and grimaced at the sight of it. jongho had been injured a lot before, but nothing could compare to the wounds he scored tonight. he was losing an insane amount of blood in a time too short to tell, head already fuzzy as he tried to shake it to help clear up his swirling thoughts and make sense of the now. 

this whole mission had been a joke. he had no reason being here, and he really had no reason dragging him here either. this had been for jongho's own selfish benefit, which he should've remedied on his own.

jongho pressed his soiled fingers against his earpiece, clearing his parched throat as he tried to whisper as gently as he could. 

"hyung..."

it really was funny how he even ended up here. a smart, catholic-raised young boy who had been following the life path dictated for him and yet, by chance, swerved into one of the most powerful mafia groups in the nation. a well known organization that had been built from the ground up, becoming widely know in only a few years. if jongho had been honest back then, he didn't even know mafias were still a thing. he thought that made for riveting and suspenseful movie plots than actually being real people who went around killing others out of their own vengeance and fear. 

while jongho had his plans to go onto grad school to get his masters and then hopefully his phD to become a surgeon, none of that really ever happened. jongho didn't necessarily want to become a surgeon; he always found the visual arts more appeasing to him. but as he came from a long line of family surgeons, his future had nearly already been written for him. extremely intelligent, he had graduated university with ease and got into one of the most highly regarded medical schools to further his education. with quick wit, amazing composure under extremely difficult scenarios and steady hands that never shook when he got nervous, jongho was the textbook example of a promising surgeon. 

now, yeosang had been with jongho ever since the two were in middle school. both were extremely quiet and had lots of difficulties making friends, but thankfully found each other after their teacher had assigned them to write a few book reports together. yeosang was a special character: jongho had a hard time reading him in the first few years of their friendship and the other seemed to have an aura of secrets within him. while jongho was never the nosy type, he felt that yeosang was always hiding something from him, making him upset that the other wouldn't open up to him.

as the years went by, the two were glued to the hip. even though jongho went in a medical direction and yeosang went into the fine arts, they still managed to find time to see each other. yeosang would constantly make fun of jongho when the younger would stress and bite at his nails every time he had a chemistry exam coming up. the older of them never once took school seriously, but did take a religious approach of teasing jongho every time he would drop his pile of biology and chemistry books on the table of their shared dorm room.

"fine arts won't get you anywhere in life, sangie," jongho would always scowl at yeosang when the older would take a shot at him. "this is your future you're talking about."

"i already have my future planned out," yeosang would say as he dropped his body to the community sofa, a lollipop comfortably slack in his mouth.

"no you don't, you never complete any of your assignments or attend any of your classes."

"university isn't for everyone, jongho. some of us weren't born as gifted as you were."

yeosang made that comment every time jongho tried to express concern for the older and it never failed to make the younger frown. 

"i don't fit the lifestyle that you and everyone else think i should. the whole business job where you sit at a desk from nine to five is never something i want to be apart of," yeosang would continue, putting his feet up on the table to illicit jongho into throwing his pencil and telling him to "mind you manners."

even though the both of them never really fit in anywhere, yeosang had been worse off than jongho. he wasn't exactly book smart, never doing terrible in school but never found something he excelled in. meanwhile jongho wasn't sociable at all in the small talk department, but he could if he had too. it helped him that he was incredibly book smart and was always tutoring people. he also knew what he was doing with his life, regardless if he liked it or not, while yeosang seemed to just float about in life. 

yeosang constantly tried to convince him to break the family line, do what he wanted to for once, but jongho refused and asserted that it really didn't bother him all that much. he never got along with his family and he wanted to be able to make it on his own without any of their help at all. as soon as he graduated and secured a financially stable job, he would cut ties with them as fast as he could. being a surgeon would provide him with that-- he would just have to bear the work load for a few more years until his dream became a reality.

while jongho would work both at the university coffee shop just a few hours a week and at his part time internship at the local hospital, not once in his life did he ever see yeosang get a job. the older would disappear for a few days at a time and jongho would never hear from him until he came back. when he did come back, it would always be at an unimaginable hour, and jongho would pretend to be asleep just see yeosang slip into the bathroom with what looked like blood splotches on his shirt. most of these sudden disappearances also made sure he came back limping most of the time.

over time, the older would come back with more unexplained injuries- a black eye or a split lip- and owed it to just being clumsy. while that could have been plausible, yeosang would trip over his own two feet multiple times a day, jongho never did believe him. he wasn't sure what was going on but he hoped that yeosang wasn't being severely bullied. he thought that was the sort of thing people tend to grow out of, especially in university, but maybe not. 

not everyone evolves.. that was something yeosang would say.

the two of them had continued their lives like that for multiple years. jongho started to see yeosang less and less but he couldn't dwell on it much because he was too busy with his own work. if yeosang was in trouble, he would tell jongho, and until then, the younger would have to hold his tongue. yeosang by nature was extremely gentle, despite his resting bitch face making him look cold and unapproachable. he was so sweet and caring for his own wellbeing that it absolutely boggled jongho's mind whenever he saw yeosang with a black eye that he tried to cover up with foundation and concealer.

"where did you go?" jongho had demanded one night he had come home late, opening the door to their shared dorm room before yeosang could even open it himself. it was then that jongho noticed that yeosang's pant leg had been ripped, a decent sized gash welled into his skin.

"shut up and close the door," he said quickly. jongho was sure that the older had half expected him to be asleep--this was one of the nights that he needed the him to be. the older man was clearly in pain as he hobbled around the room to reach the sofa. his face was scrunched up as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, not even paying attention to the blood he was spreading everywhere.

when jongho noticed all the blood that was on yeosang after closing the door, he paled an icy white.

"yeosang, what the fuck?"

yeosang just shook his head in frustration, unfastening the belt around his waist to cinch it above the gash on his thigh. he then grabbed his phone from his pocket to dial a quick number and held it to his ear. he was panting and had his eyes closed in silent hope as the phone continued to ring before someone picked up on the other line.

"they found me," he said softly, licking his lips and then grimacing thickly as he gingerly brought his hand down to his leg. "got hit and they're following me. need back up now."

jongho wasn't close enough to hear what was being said on the other side of the phone, but the way that yeosang seemed to grow angrier by the moment did not settle his racing heart. 

"i had no where else to go!" he nearly yelled into the phone, and it was then that jongho noticed that yeosang's hands were also drenched in dried blood. "fuck you mars! this isn't my fault!"

his head started spinning around with possiblites of what in the world was happening, but he forced his legs to move and find the first aid kit he had stored away in his personal room. when he came back, yeosang was no longer on the phone with whoever he was yelling at moments earlier and had thrown an arm over his eyes as he was laying down fully on the couch.

"i don't know what the fuck is going on yeosang... what the hell is this?" jongho asked sternly, he was proud of his voice for not coming out as shaky as he was. he had kneeled down by the edge of the couch and opened the first aid kit to look for alcohol swabs. 

"i can't tell you, just be quiet," was all the older man responded with. 

"don't give me that shit. i've been quiet about this for long enough," jongho grabbed onto yeosang's leg and grimaced at the intimidatingly giant, gashed wound. jongho has definitely seen worse wounds in his time working at the hospital, but seeing such a jagged injury on his best friend made his stomach twist into a thick knot. "you're going to tell me what is going on right this second or i fucking swear i will make this wound worse."

"you don't understand. stay out of this. you're gonna get yourself into something you don't want to," yeosang gritted out. his face was much paler now, his eyes dilated as he had trouble focusing on one object even for a short period of time.

"i don't fucking care. who's blood is this? is this all yours? did you kill someone?" jongho's voice had increased in its volume. he grabbed what little supplies he had readily available, trying his best to sort out everything that he would need. his brain was still spinning around in utter confusion because why the hell was his best friend who would never hurt a butterfly, covered in blood?

"no, not all of it," came the rasped out answer and he completely ignored jongho's last question. yeosang tried his best to sit up, ignoring the pain in his thigh as he checked his phone again and swore under his breath. 

right as jongho opened the small little packet for the alcohol wipe, a loud banging sound came from the door. yeosang whipped his head around and swore once again, grabbing a well placed gun that had been completely hidden around his chest and held it closely to him.

"we need to go right now," he said sternly, moving to get up off the couch before checking his phone once more and stumbling around the room as he looked around. 

"what the fuc--" he was cut off when yeosang slapped a hand over his mouth before he could continue to say anything else.

"don't say anything. if they know you're with me then you'll be a target too."

jongho tried to bite yeosang's hand in retaliation because he deserved to know who was banging at their door at this hour and why yeosang seemed so desperate to try and escape them. he deserved to know all these things and still yeosang refused to tell him. 

the older yanked him off the floor while the banging on the door grew louder and louder and for a moment jongho worried that the door was going to crumble into pieces. when yeosang had dragged him into the living room, he pressed the younger up against the wall, still having his hand over his mouth.

"take that chair and break the window," yeosang whispered very quietly, he was staring right into jongho's eyes with such intensity that he looked like a completely different person. the tiny bits of dried blood that seemed to have been scattered across his face made jongho question if he even knew who his life long best friend was.

"i'm not gonna break the fucking window--" yeosang immediately shushed him, an irritated but nervous look on his face. 

"listen, either you break that window or you aren't getting out of here alive, okay?"

jongho froze, a cold sweat creeping down his back. what had yeosang got himself into? were the police after him? maybe he got caught up in gang activities, that might explain everything if he had. 

"that's your only way of escaping. break it and run away from here as quickly as you can, do you understand me?"

yeosang was staring at him with even more intensity that before and the slight crack of the front door made the both of them jump. yeosang let go of him and roughly pushed him towards the window before he rushed back into the other room.

"don't look back! just keep running!" was the last thing he heard from yeosang before he heard another loud bang against the door and then what sounded like a handle being smashed into the dry wall. 

scared out of his mind, jongho found himself panicking. he looked around the room for a chair, his legs shaking as he tried his best to move quickly. he could hear things being broken and smashed in the other room and a big part of him was worried that yeosang was getting caught up in that. 

the first attempt he had to break the window did not go well. he hadn't swung the chair hard enough against the glass and it only alerted the intruders of his current position that yeosang seemed so desperate to keep secret. when a man dressed entirely in a black suit from head to toe, rounded the corner into the room where jungho was trying his best just to break the window as gently as he could, he nearly screamed as the man came rushing towards him.

"got another one!" he said loudly over his left shoulder, announcing to the rest of his company that yeosang wasn't the only one in the room. 

the pure shot of adrenaline helped supplied jonho's next swing as the chair finally shattered the window completely, glass flying everywhere. jongho then threw the chair at the man that was still coming at him, who had no regard for the shattered glass everywhere. he tried his best to avoid the shards of glass that were still attached to the window frame as he climbed into the seal, but it was all for nothing as the man grabbed onto his arm and yanked him back into the room. the shards of glass slicing through both his sweats and his skin, the shrill of pain making him scream.

"jongho!" he heard yeosang yell, his friend finally making it back into the room. he now was sporting a giant gash just above his eyebrow, the blood definitely seemed to had gotten into his eye. yeosang looked like he was a little bit off his balance, the chance that he had just gotten a terrible head injury was becoming more apparent with every wobbly step he took. but he still managed to raise his gun up, and before the man that had dragged jongho across the broken glass even had time to reach for his gun, yeosang already had his finger pressing into the trigger to fire a shot. the bullet that he had shot somehow managed to hit the man in the head, the spray of blood that followed left jongho nearly passing out.

when the man dropped down completely, jongho found another shriek leave his mouth. yeosang hadn't even batted an eye at the sound of the gun, while it left jongo shriveled in fear with his ears ringing. 

"get out of here!" yeosang yelled, waving his arm at him. he was stumbling even more now and shaking his head as he tried to clear up his vision. 

moving and thinking just on pure instinct now, jongho was able to scramble to his feet to climb into the window. just before he slipped through the opening, he looked back to see a man come up behind yeosang and hit him on the top of his head with the back of the stock of his own gun. 

jongho watched yeosang drop heavily to the floor with a loud thump, his stomach dropping instantly into his own feet. when the man turned his attention to jongho, he didn't hesistate to raise his gun at him. before the man even had time to shoot, jongho had literally flung himself out of the window. luckily they were only on the second floor, so colliding to the ground below only left him with jammed ankle joints and potentially sprained knees. but none of that pain was even present as he scrambled to his feet, struggling as he did so. 

when he finally found his footing, jongho ran away as fast as he could down the alley way. he didn't have his phone or wallet with him, not having time to grab any of that before his and yeosang's dorm room was utterly destroyed. he tried his best to not look back, scared out of his mind that people were following after him.

he heard some yelling behind him, but he still didn't dare to look back. the fleeting worry about whether or not yeosang was still alive was circling around in the back of his mind, his stomach turning rather violently each time. the echoing of his feet slapping against the wet pavement ricocheted off the surrounding buildings, his lungs were burning as he continued to run down the alley. what he had witnessed was settling thick in his guts, seeing yeosang like that scared him more than anything had, there was no way that was really the man he grew up with.

he kept running and running, not even aware of the tears sliding down his cheeks. jongho could now see the end of the alleyway as it opened up into the highway that ran by their dorm building. he stumbled along, the pain finally starting to register at the back of his mind as his ankles were starting to ache terribly. 

right before he thought he was able to get away, a slick black car screeched to a stop in front of him, blocking his only exit. as if his night couldn't have gotten any worse, the doors shot open and two men ran past him with guns in their hands. jongho just dropped to his knees on the pavement, if these were still bad people there was no away he could get away now, just best to accept death here in the moment. when the last door of the car that hadn't been opened yet finally did, two more men stepped out. 

the tallest between the two, pressed his fingers to his earpiece that was snug in his ear. 

"retrieve him if he's still alive, make it quick," he said, his voice was stern and thick with command. he then turned his attention down to jongho, who was still kneeling and shaking on the ground. the taller tilted his head backwards and looked down to the smaller man next to him, the unspoken conversation between the two of them was brief before the taller turned his attention back to jongho. 

the two men had their faces covered, black scarfs drooped over their noses and mouths. the taller reached between his coat jacket and black shirt to pull out a hand gun that was smaller than the one yeosang had, before walking the few steps to be right in front of jongho. he put the barrel of the gun right under his jaw and forced the smaller to look up at him, keeping the opening right up against his jugular. 

"who are you?" he asked, his voice an octave deeper than the moment before.

jongho was frozen again, the cold metal pressed against his skin did nothing to calm the tears that still continued to spill from his eyes. he just closed his eyes and shook his head, the blood in his veins was pumping very quickly it made him so light headed that he couldn't think of any words to speak. 

"i like it when they cry," he said. it wasn't necessarily to jongho, the man had tilted his head back to look at the other behind him when he said it. when he turned back to jongho, he pressed the gun into his skin with even more force. "as much as i'd like to make you cry more, i need an answer before i shoot your throat out."

jongho felt a cry leave his throat, this wasn't how it was supposed to end. he had so much more he wanted to do with his life, so much more he wanted to experience all on his own. this really wasn't supposed to be how it ended for him. 

he figured that these people knew yeosang. whether they liked him or not was up for a gamble; either they'd kill him instantly or they might let him go. those were the only choices he had.

"with yeosang," he said, his voice so soft and scratchy. he squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the click in the barrel before his inevitable doom. but the click never came, and the gun that had been snuggled up against his throat pulled away and was replaced with a gloved hand instead.

jongho opened his eyes, blinking the tears away as he looked up to meet the man's gaze. he shivered as he did, the sheer dominance that was radiating off of him made jongho hold his breath when the taller leaned down near his face.

"you know our yeosangie? your lucky day."


	2. hephaistos

"hyung..." jongho tried again, his voice a little louder than before as he spoke into the earpiece. 

the consistent shots ringing throughout the warehouse did nothing to help settle his racing heart. he pressed his fingers harder against the earpiece and tried once more, becoming more desperate with each passing second when no response came.

"mars please..."

his voice started to crack, the lump in his throat made his head pound as he tried his very best to keep calm and quiet. he was trained better than this, not only in combat and how to stay calm in a situation that you probably weren't going to make it out alive... but also in critical thinking. that training clearly had failed him because of the current situation jongho had gotten himself into for his own selfish reasons.

he could hear the men run up and down the hall right outside of the room he was hiding in, the yelling and the pounding on the doors were getting louder and closer and jongho knew he had only a few minutes before they found him. the bullet wound in his side had not stopped bleeding, luckily it hadn't hit any vital organs but it had gone right through him completely. the more he breathed, the more blood he lost. it was sopainful to inhale the much needed oxygen as he could've sworn his lungs were contracting in on themselves.

it was getting harder and harder to breath, he could hear his heart thumping in his ears as he slowly began to lose feeling in his feet. the panic started to increase ten fold, attempting to reach for his gun again when he heard voices get significantly closer, but his arms would just not move. his body was going into shock and was starting to freeze up. his limbs felt like solid lead and the blood dripping from his head was stinging his eyes terribly.

"mars... please," he desperately tried once more to reach out, trying to choke back his sob as his mind drifted briefly to earlier events that had happened not even ten minutes prior. "code black. please... it's phoenix, he's... i repeat, code black."

no response came once again, his arm dropping to his side in defeat. the tears came continuously now, the pain in his body was fully starting to register as it was bringing out a cold sweat that had jongho nearly spitting up the food he had eaten earlier in the day. his vision was becoming worse and worse with each passing second, all the shapes and colors were blending together. it didn't help that it was in the dead of night and there wasn't any light source besides what the moon would provide.

"phoenix is..."

like he had said many years before, jongho would never have imagined getting caught up in a mafia organization. in fact he wouldn't have if it weren't for yeosang who had been keeping it a secret from him for as long as he could remember. the only reason they spared him that night was because he was affiliated with yeosang. and while jongho in that moment thought that he could never repay them for the overly generous deed, it was in this present moment that he wished the man would've shot him that night. 

that way, this whole situation wouldn't have happened.

how yeosang had managed to survive that night was beyond jongho's knowledge. his group had gotten there just in time, had it been just a hair longer he's sure the older wouldn't have lived through that. jongho came to learn that it was a rivalry group that had been tracking yeosang for a long time, learning his routes and who he was affiliated with and where he would be all times of the day. they picked that night to try and jump him, take him out, and dump his body off at the front door of where their base was. 

"that's what they do," yeosang had said to jongho after a few days of being in intense care in some unknown location. yeosang was finally able to start walking around a little more thankfully and jongho made sure to keep a close eye on him. "its a fear tactic. take out a high position member and leave their body or even bits of it at the door for their group to find."

the thought of that alone had made jongho sick to his stomach, the images of what could have become of his friend were flashing through his overly imaginative mind. 

"i didn't mean for this to happen," yeosang had told him. "i'm not ashamed of what i do by any means... but i never wanted you to see this."

at the time, jongho couldn't comprehend how yeosang wasn't ashamed of this line of work. he clearly killed people for a living, was hired to do someone else's dirty work because the other was controlled by their own fear of another competitor. it seemed to jongho that yeosang had no regard for his own life, the older was constantly putting his life on the line and each night seemed to be a gamble if he came back or not. 

"do you... do you even care about your life?" jongho had asked him after a few moments of silence. there clearly was hurt laced in with his words. the bruising and scars on yeosang's face did not suit him at all. his face was too gentle and loving to be sporting these kinds of scars.

"i do. i don't want to die jongho." yeosang said carefully. "no one here wants to. yeah we joke about it sometimes, but at the end of the day we all want to come back to each other."

"then why...?"

"the same reason people ride rollercoasters that they hate riding."

"i know you're not trying to lighten up the situation by bringing in fucking rollercoasters sangie. i'm being serious here."

"sorry," yeosang mumbled softly before swallowing heavily. "the adrenaline rush, the constant gamble of am i going to die tonight or will i live to see the sun rise again tomorrow... is my idea of fun. i don't expect you to understand it, but this is what i want to do with my life."

it seemed for nearly months on end, jongho had been locked in a room inside a giant mansion in the middle of nowhere. his door was guarded twenty four hours a day and was only allowed to see yeosang ever now and then. he had no form of contact with the outside world and escaping seemed impossible, yeosang even warned him many times to not even attempt to. they fed him twice a day, it had always been the same person that came in with a tray. the man with bright pink hair is what jongho knew him by. everyone had their faces covered whenever he saw them and he never once heard a name.

"listen," yeosang said as he came into the locked room one night. "they're offering you two options."

jongho blinked at him, he already knew that he wouldn't like any of them from the way that yeosang seemed to be talking extra gentle to him.

"we can't keep you here forever. we have a huge mission coming up and everyone needs to be on board, which means that we can't be babysitting you all day."

"then how about you just let me go." jongho had said with a rather dumbfounded look on his face.

"it doesn't really just work like that... i'm sorry this happened, but once you get caught up in this life, you can't leave it. they've seen you with me already and that means you'll have a mark on your head until you die."

"I didn't fucking ask for this. this isn't my fault!" jongho got up off the bed and nearly yelled. "it's your fault for getting me into this! i literally have nothing to do with this game you and a bunch of other kids are playing! i had my whole life planned out and you've ruined everything!"

yeosang had taken a step back, his usual soft features were back on his face as he looked genuinely hurt at jongho's words. he lowered his head and that was the first time jongho had seen yeosang look like the one he had always known for a long time.

"listen i... i promise i never wanted this to happen," he started softly, it looked like he was shaking a little. "they were going to just kill you but I couldn't let them do that. i've been begging them all this time to spare you..."

"how fucking sweet of you," jongho gritted out through his teeth. he squeezed his hands into fists as he swallowed a fit of insults that he wanted so desperately to say to the older.

yeosang hadn't commented on that, he just swallowed again and looked up at jongho with his eyes wide and pleading. "they're offering to train you... make you one of us."

"if i refuse they'll kill me? those are my two options?"

yeosang just nodded as he closed the distance between them and grabbed onto both of jongho's hands and held them in his own clammy ones. his was shaking as he squeezed jongho's hands very tightly as if he was afraid the other would pull them away.

"please..." yeosang had begged him. "just give it a chance. please jongho, i need you."

even though jongho was presented with two options, any sane person would come to realize that he really only had one. when jongho had first met the man behind the whole organization, he clearly recognized him as the one that was standing beside the man that had pressed the barrel of his gun to his throat. sometimes jongho could feel the phantom feeling of the cold metal pressed against him. on nights like those, he wouldn't be able to sleep and would be covered in a cold sweat the entire time. 

while jongho was actually taller than the older man, he felt rather small when he stood in his presence. the man had such a intimidating and intense aura surrounding him and the way that everyone else in the room treated him with upmost respect left jongho shaking in his spot. he refused to meet the other's eyes, but he could feel holes being burned into him from his gaze.

jongho was summoned into a room that had a giant table in the middle with chairs lining it on either side. it had been dead silent for awhile, the only other people present were yeosang, who was sitting in the corner with his legs crossed, and the other tall man that he had been up close and personal with, who was standing behind the shorter man. jongho had been sat in a chair with his arms tied down, the rope rubbing his skin raw the more he tried to move around. the smaller man had moved forward just a few steps and grabbed onto jongho's jaw and tilted it up to force him to meet his gaze.

"yeosang begged for your life, he used his one veto on you," he said slowly. jongho had gulped, not even sure of what any of that meant. "he said you agreed to work with us, is that correct?"

jongho felt his soul leave his body as he tried his best to nod his head. but the man slapped him across his face, the sound ringing out throughout the room in a soft echo.

"answer me. you'll use your words when speaking to me," he spoke again, his voice much deeper and jongho could see that his eyebrows were scrunched together and his pupils were dilated.

"yes sir." he croaked out. his eyes began to fill with tears of pure fear, the burning in his cheek was hot and he was sure there would be a decent sized, red mark.

"that's better. you have yeosang to thank for your life." the man let go of jongho before stepping away. he looked over to yeosang and gestured down to jongho. "get him out of here."

jongho began to learn lots of things during his stay. he learned that the man who started all of this, was a son of an incredibly wealthy but corrupt business man who was part of the underground mafia scene. hongjoong, was his name, and he was supposed to take over his father's business and continue to run the black market. but instead, hongjoong had formed his own secret mafia all by himself to fight back against the corruption his father was causing. jongho hadn't realized that not all mafia groups were in it just for the drugs and for the money, no this group was different.

it had taken him a long time to figure this out, but it was with the help of san, the man with the incredibly blinding pink hair, that he was able to figure out this group was indeed different. hongjoong was not a drug lord by any means, in fact, they had nothing to do with drugs. they simple stole from the people who stole wrongfully from other people. it might have been a little bit of a twisted idea, but it started to grow on jongho the longer he had been with them.

they would go out and intercept cargo ships or trucks that were labeled under the black market server, especially ones from hongjoong's father. they could keep all the money and goods for themselves, jongho had really expected that they did, especially with the way the mansion looked on the inside and outside. but they never kept it, hongjoong would have them sent to places that needed it more than they did.

jongho also came to learn that there were seven of them that were co-running the organization. they definitely had a bunch more people working under them, but as yeosang explained, it was the seven of them that hongjoong could trust to not betray and leak their information to anyone. the security around the entire place was absolutely insane, jongho couldn't even use the bathroom in privacy. he was never allowed to have a gun on him or any sort of weapon, unless he was in training. which it made sense to him, but he felt like a prisoner more than someone who could potentially become part of the team.

it was san who was training him in self defense nearly every day of the week. yeosang explained that it was seonghwa, the tall, dark haired man that had nearly shot his neck out, who was the most skilled in that department... but as hongjoong's right hand man, he was constantly needed elsewhere to do the extremely dirty work. but san was easily the next best option, being trained heavily in the martial arts left him as a very capable teacher to help jongho learn both self defense and offense. 

compared to both hongjoong and seonghwa, san was easier to approach. while yes, he was an extremely skilled assassin with an insane amount of blood on his hands, he would smile at jongho when he did something right and reward him with an endearing punch to the gut. san was younger than the other two, he definitely seemed to have the most energy and would take things less seriously. he would crack jokes when they ate together and sometimes jongho would let himself relax just a little around the other. that didn't mean san wasn't intimidating however. when he would come back to base late at night from one of his solo missions, blood splattered on his face and clothes as he would swing his rifle onto his back, it was like he was a completely different person. he had a very commanding gaze to him after his missions, and it would make jongho shiver whenever the older walked by.

when jongho met wooyoung, he learned that he was a two in one package deal with san. it took a few weeks to actually meet the other, wooyoung had been away on a long distance mission, and when he came back, the blonde man was nearly inseparable from san. 

"thought you died." san had greeted him, the joke was heavy on his tongue as they both laughed at it.

"nah, you know how i like to have some fun with them. takes longer." and there was a glint of something rather sadistic in wooyoung's eye as san just shook his head in complete understanding. 

"you need to go update your board," yeosang commented, walking into the room holding an ice pack to his newly busted lip. "and go take a shower, the blood is clumping in your hair."

wooyoung just laughed, the sound seemed far too sweet for their current conversation.

"board?" jongho had asked looking towards yeosang.

"we have a board that when someone comes back from a mission, they put a mark next to their name. that way if they die, we'll know how many completed missions they had and can honor them for that," yeosang answered him like it was the most normal thing in the entire world.

"oh..." was all jongho had said as he sat down in a chair, trying to contemplate if he thought that was a rather endearing idea or not.

"you're new." wooyoung had said while walking over to jongho, fitting his finger under his chin and lifting it up. "is this your trainee sannie?"

there came a mumble from san, who decided to raid through the microwavable ramen a few minutes prior and was now stuff his face.

"you're cute," he said gently, smirk evident on his lips. from here jongho could tell the other lined his eyes thickly with eyeliner. "it's always the cute ones that lose it the first time they get blood blown across their face. let's see how long you last."

"wooyoung." yeosang snapped at him, his voice low in a warning while giving the younger a death glare.

"what? am i wrong?" wooyoung asked, pulling his hand away from jongho to then face yeosang. "as much as i love a dangerous mission, i don't want to die because my teammate froze up and failed to do his job. we've lost too many people like that."

yeosang didn't say anything, just stared at wooyoung with his jaw clenched. jongho knew his friend couldn't say anything, wooyoung was right. while yes jongho was learning incredibly fast on how to dodge and give punches from san, it would be completely different if he wasn't in a controlled environment. the chances of him freezing up and fucking up the entire mission was something that someone just had to remind him of every day. 

"he's just lucky that i'm the one to teach him how to shoot," wooyoung added. "since hongjoong so graciously volunteered me for the job without even asking for my permission."

"stop whining about it, take that as a compliment," san called to him with a mouth full of noodles.

"whatever, i'm going to take a shower. tell seonghwa i lived another day and got the fucking information we needed." and with that, wooyoung grabbed his bag off the floor and left the room with a rather moody look on his face. the only sound left was san slurping at his noodles like he hadn't eaten for the entire week.

meadless to say, they trained him extremely well. it had taken several months, but jongho learned he was actually quite strong and how to use his strength to his advantage. he trained with san nearly every day and when san was away on a mission, yeosang would step in and put his training to use in sparing matches. wooyoung had the best shot out of all of them. he was their designated snipper and it was only fair that it was him that taught jongho how to shoot. 

jongho at first absolutely hated the painful ringing each blast would leave in his ears along with the powerful kickback the gun had. sometimes the kickback would be so powerful, it left very visible bruises on his shoulder for the next few days. he took a better liking to hand guns, the kickback wasn't as bad as the rifle and sometimes they weren't as loud either.

"if this were any other mafia group, they'd tell you to make your victim's death as slow and painful as you could," wooyoung had told him. "but here we don't do that."

jongho held the revolver in his hands while he looked down at it carefully, listening to wooyoung. 

"you aim for either their heart and lungs or the head. make the death quick. we aren't here to torture." wooyoung pressed his own gun against jongho's chest, he could feel the coldness of the barrel through his shirt.

"practice makes perfect," he said slowly, a smile making it's way to his lips as wooyoung then pointed his gun down range to where they had small tin cans set up on top of the fence. three quick pulls to the trigger left three of the five cans flying off the railing with sizable holes in them. what amazed jongho most was that wooyoung hadn't even looked once. 

the barrel of the gun was smoking just a little, wooyoung looked indifferent as he lowered his gun and then trained his eyes to jongho expectantly. jongho raised his gun out in front of his face, using the sites before pulling the trigger only once. he closed his eyes, but the sound of the tin can going flying was unmistakable.

"perfect." wooyoung said, a glint of praise sparkling in his eye.

the longer he stayed with them, the more he became desensitized. he no longer jumped when he heard the sound of a gun ringing outside the mansion. his stomach no longer turned violently when one of them would come back with some part of them covered in blood... it had come to a point where all of this became normal. the better jongho got, the more they took a liking to him and that meant the more he got to do by himself. he no longer was being watched all day and night, he had won some slight brownie points with hongjoong when he had to demonstrate his skills with a gun and managed to impress the older man. 

hongjoong still scared him stiff. he never saw him smile or really show any emotion, he seemed to be strictly professional. it made sense, being the head of a group as powerful as this one came with a price, he couldn't afford to let his guard down. but he did learned that seonghwa, the other man that scared him even in his dreams, loved to cook. when jongho had caught him one day baking cupcakes nonetheless, it sort of ruined the oldest's imitating aura. the man still scared him, don't get him wrong, but that fear simmer down just a tad as he watched him so very carefully decorate the cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkles. 

jongho didn't meet mingi and yunho until a little over a year and half since he had pretty much been kidnapped. it was right before hongjoong decided jongho was prepared both physically and mentally enough to attend his first mission. 

"thanks to wooyoung and mingi, we have been able to hack into my father's database for all his logged shipments and investments. we now can see exactly what he is buying and where the trucks are coming in from," hongjoong started to brief them in a room extremely similar to the one where jongho had first met the man. they all were sat at a table and san had his feet up on the polished wood. "we have been able to track for a few days now, two incoming trucks that will be coming in from the north side of the city."

"gonna hijack them?" wooyoung asked, his tone very overly joyed.

"don't interrupt," seonghwa warned him, his stare was cold but clearly had no real affect on wooyoung as the younger just rolled his eyes.

"yes. mingi has prepared a briefing for each of you. we'll only have a short window for this one to work."

hongjoong stood at the head of the table, both hands on the wood as he leaned over on them. "any questions?"

a chorus of "no sir's" rang throughout the room in unison as san and wooyoung were already heading out the door, arms linked together. jongho made a move to get up and leave himself, searching around for yeosang so he could talk to the older and try to calm his racing heart. but unfortunately, his name was called out as he jumped from the surprise of it.

"jongho."

he turned around and quickly walked over to seonghwa who had two very tall men behind him. he had never seen them before and they looked rather intimidating from their height alone.

"this is mingi and yunho. they are more of our intelligence eyes and since you haven't been apart of any of our missions yet, you've never met them," seonghwa spoke, he wasn't even looking at jongho as he was fiddling with papers on the desk instead.

jongho tilted his head down to each of the men and surprisingly they did the same back. jongho immediately felt a little more safer in their presence than he had with any of the others.

"mingi is our hacker, he's the one that helps hongjoong come up with all the plans, it'll do you good to become acquainted with him."

mingi smiled at him gently, giving jongho a little salute before opening his mouth, "heard quite a lot about you recently. seems you'll make a very good assassin from what san has been telling me."

jongho could only nod stiffly, he still didn't like the title "assassin" but that was what he was now and he had to learn to accept it whether he liked it or not.

"yunho is the one that will guide you through the mission. he'll talk to you through your earpiece. usually i do that, but i'll be attending this mission, so he's the one to fill in for me when I'm away. you'll also communicate with everyone through your earpiece. whatever you say will be heard by everyone who is connected."

" it'll be a pleasure working with you," yunho said and for whatever reason jongho had expected his voice to be a lot deeper than it was. now all the taller man reminded him of was an oversized teddy bear.

seognhwa cleared his throat and handed jongho a sheet of paper before continuing to speak again. "these are all the codes you'll need to learn before we go out. this is how we communicate and one wrong signal could get someone killed, so learn them perfectly."

the paper began to crumble from the pressure that jongho had been squeezing it. he knew he wasn't ready for this kind of pressure, even though everyone else seemed to think he was. he forced himself to read over the codes and their meanings. green and red were easy, it meant the coast was clear and the other meant the coast most definitely wasn't. other codes like blue and purple would be a little more difficult to remember. blue meant that they have the potential to be outnumbered and it would be best to pull back to regroup. purple meant that the object of interested had been obtained and it was time to regroup back to their planned spawn point. there were about five other codes that he would also have to remember, but there was one code that caught his eye specifically.

when jongho read the words "code black" he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. this was the only code that didn't have a meaning after it like all the others had. he looked up at seonghwa for a moment before asking, "what's code black mean?"

yunho chuckled behind seonghwa, "that's the one code you never want to hear, kid."

mingi nodded his head in agreement, the smile had vanished from his face. "means someone's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hephaistos is the ancient greek god of fire, metallurgy, and crafts.


	3. demeter

it was the silence that followed in the moments after that had jongho dropping both arms and letting out a breath. at least he had tried. he leaned his head completely against the wall, wiping the blood out of his eye with the back of his hand. he let the salty tears drip down his cheeks, nose scrunching up as he covered his mouth before the agonizing cry could leave his mouth. 

he wasn't crying because of his physical pain. the pain that was riping his heart into two was not anything flesh related. 

jongho heard the door to the room he was hiding in shake and rattle as someone banged repeatedly against the wood. the frame of the whole building was not stable and the door was even less than that, but it was by a miracle that it hadn't broken down yet. it sounded like whoever was outside was smacking something against the door to crack it down. it was all thanks to the thick four by four that was keeping jongho safe for the time being. 

the room was empty, nothing to really hide behind or anywhere to escape, he was really stuck here. he tried his best to move himself over to the corner of the room to hide in any sort of crevice he could find. any sort of movement was excoriating, he was nearly numb from the waist down, only able to slightly feel his legs as they began to move around. the bullet wound in his side had soaked a decent portion of his shirt through with his own blood. his hand that had been pressed there was doing hardly anything to help. his eyes burned from the sweat and saltiness of his tears, trying to blink away the pain but having no luck as the blood dripped down from his brow. 

his breathing was heavier now, coming out in hot and quick pants, he could feel the panic rising in his chest as it really was finally settling in that he had no escape. he torn the earpiece out from his ear and let it fall down into his lap. he tilted his head down to the side as he did his best to focus his eyes on the small black device. 

ah, that's right. that's why no one was responding to him.

he remembers specifically not connecting it to the main system before they left. he purposely hadn't. they wouldn't receive his transmissions unless they connect his earpiece to the huge mother board yunho helped run with seonghwa when the older man wasn't busy on his own missions.

the little blue light that would have been flashing, instead was a deep red that reminded jongho of every single thing that he did wrong. if he hadn't been so stupid, so head strong and so emotional... non of this would have happened. 

he wouldn't have died. he would still be by jongho's side, perfectly safe as they should've been eating dinner around this time. in fact, jongho was supposed to be sparing with san right now, instead of taking on a mission that they all decided to put off for obvious reasons. 

but here he was, bleeding out on the cold concrete floor of a warehouse, alone and with no one to call for help. 

a burst of pain through his nerves had him cringing painfully, biting his cheek so hard that there was a rush of a metallic taste that filled his mouth. he was able to reach down to grab at the earpiece that only reminded him of every single thing he had done wrong in life, and held it up to his mouth, not able to stop the harsh shaking of his body. 

he knew that the earpiece would record everything he was saying, and if there was by some chance his partners were able to recover it, they could hear what had happened. them recovering it nearly had a zero chance, their enemy would probably crush it instantly or keep it for themselves. but he had to try. 

with the way the men outside the room where breaking the door, he knew that they knew he was in here. once they broke down that door, it was over for him. they wouldn't spare his life like his partner's had that day. 

"hyungs,"

jongho then thought back to all the things they had taught him. his mind drifted back to his earliest memories with them, and as he did, the shouting and the banging on the wooden door were drowned out. it was almost peaceful.

he remembers his very first mission he was granted to have with them. he remembers feeling so underprepared as mingi gave him the debriefing of his job that he had. it wasn't anything super important, he was just supposed to be on look out duty and scan the area where the trucks would stop to pick up their last shipment. his job was nothing in comparison's to san's and seonghwa's.

the two of them were the ones who were actually supposed to hijack the truckers while hongjoong was to sit in a nearby building to shoot off anyone else that happened to be apart of this huge scandal. mingi had apparently seen the way jongho's face had paled dramatically because he placed his hand on jongho's shoulder in a soothing way.

"first missions are scary, i get that," mingi started and jongho looked up at the taller man to meet his gaze, "but you'll have the best going with you. you'll have yunho guiding you the whole time."

jongho had just nodded his head, he wasn't sure if knowing that he would be with the best of them was comforting or not, he was afraid that he would mess up and get one of them killed. even though he was told by san himself that he was ready, and even wooyoung had grown to like him as well because now the shorter would hang on him whenever he could. getting wooyoung to like you meant that he respected you, he trusted that you wouldn't get him killed in the field sort of thing. 

when jongho had managed to pin san down onto the mats that lined the basement floor, that san had nodded his head and looked at jongho with an expression that jongho couldn't quite pin.

"you're ready."

mingi cleared his throat and had waved his hand in front of jongho's face to get his attention back.

"listen, everyone here believes you can do it. its been brought to my attention that you're here against rather unconventional means but, everyone trusts you."

"I don't know about that," he mumbled, not really expecting mingi to hear him.

"trust me, we do. even hongjoong. I know hongjoong has an extremely intimidating personality but the more you get to know him, the more you'll see that he loves each and every one of us deeply. you're really starting to earn his trust, it's a miracle he's letting you do something like this so early, that means he sees good things in you."

when jongho had been packed into the truck, completely dressed in black with a scarf of his own that had covered his nose and mouth, that he really felt his body start to shake. this was the truck that he had seen them all leave and come back in, and he just hoped and prayed that this night would also be the same. he kept the AK against his chest closely, clutching onto the barrel and pressing his head against the rattling metal of the truck. he had met san's gaze, the older man didn't have his usual carefree expression on his face, instead he wore a blank look and his eyes were darkened.

"it's his game mode face," wooyoung had explained one night when san had come home after a particularly harsh mission that left him with some open wounds that jongho wanted to tend to but san had roughly brushed him off. san had never quite treated him like that before and it had shaken him up. "everyone get's like that when we go out. it's nothing personal."

jongho had just nodded then, "that makes sense."

"it's hot as fuck." wooyoung winked at him and proceeded to slap his ass before bouncing away like nothing had happened.

but when san met jongho gaze's he lifted his eyebrow slightly before swinging his rifle around to his back and leaned forward to look straight at jongho.

"nervous?"

"no."

"i might've believed you if i couldn't see you shaking from here."

"oh," jongho scratched the back of his head. he couldn't deny that his heart was racing and he nearly felt like he may be sick.

san reached over and patted his knee, "we got your back, nothing bad will happen to you. we know you got our back too."

it was then that seonghwa had looked back at them slightly, looking at the two out of the corner of his eye.

"oh yeah, by the way," san leaned back just a little, rolling up his sleeve to reveal the tattoo on his forearm that jongho had learned earlier was their one mark each trusted member got. "code names."

jongho perked up a little, glad to be able to focus on something else for the time being. 

"when you speak into your earpiece, do not call us by our names. we each have special code names that we go by. if you call us by our names then it could potentially become extremely dangerous."

jongho nodded stiffly, biting down on the edge of his cheek. that really wasn't the distraction he had hoped for.

"hongjoong is golden eagle, seonghwa is mars, and i go by fire. it'll do you good to learn them quickly."

"do i ... have one?" jongho asked softly.

"hongjoong gives us our code names, you need to prove yourself on the field before you get one. until then we'll refer to you as kid," seonghwa chimes in as he pulled on his black gloves and starts loading his magazines for his revolver and later stuffing them in his belt. 

"damn right, hongjoong met me and wooyoung on the field and named us fire and ice, we compliment each other. you'll understand it once you get to see us in action together," jongho couldn't see san's smile from his covered his face but his eyes were definitely twinkling.

"what about seonghwa? mars seems very special," jongho asked.

"it's because hongjoong sees him as his whole world but decided that was too cheesy and named him a different planet instead."

there came a bark from seonghwa as held his unloaded gun in san's direction who just put his hands up in surrender. 

jongho distinctively remembered how that mission went. it had gone way smoother than he expected it too, at least at first it had. the whole mission was just to just retrieve the trucks and kill anyone associated with hongjoong's father. jongho was supposed to go with hongjoong to cover his back and be on the look out for people that they hadn't guessed would be there. hongjoong and him had been stationed on a parking garage that was parallel to where the trucks would be parked for a few loading minutes before taking off again. 

"mars, location?"

"already set. we're good to go."

"any second now," hongjoong spoke into his earpiece with a hushed tone. jongho was trying his best to keep himself from shaking too bad, but being in honjoong's presence wasn't helping at all.

"target acquired," jongho heard through his earpiece, it had been san who spoke. san was stationed up farther along the road which meant they probably had about three minutes until they would see the trucks themselves. 

hongjoong and jongho ducked down behind the concrete wall of the garage, keeping out of site from the incoming intruders. 

"i've got a location on them, you're cleared. good luck boys," was the first time jongho heard yunho speak. 

jongho never did see anything that seonghwa and san did, he really was just supposed to watch their backs and report any suspicious behavior to hongjoong immediately. that probably was the best because according to yeosang, seonghwa was someone that you didn't want to watch him do his work. his stomach was already weak and he didn't need something to trigger him even more that could potentially make the situation even worse and more embarrassing.

he kept quiet, listening to the men communicate and occasionally the blasting of hongjoong's rifle next to him caused him to jerk the first time but after that he oddly felt a little relieved. it wasn't until san informed them that he had obtained the first truck, to which hongjoong told him to meet them back at base, that something seemed to be moving in the background that caught jongho's eye a few times. he watched carefully, not even breathing as he saw more movement. 

he fought with the idea of telling hongjoong that there could be someone else there with them but he feared that he was just seeing something due to his fear and would cause hongjoong to make a false call and ruin the mission. 

but it was when jongho saw a flash of light, a slight glimmer in the utter darkness that it was on pure instinct that he shot up. he didn't have time to think, moving to jump in front of hongjoong to try and push the smaller man out of the way, but there was a sound of a gun firing, sound ricocheting throughout the entire garage when jongho had dropped to the ground not a second later. 

he heard two more shots following half a second later, but he hadn't had time to even think and wonder who had fired them in the first place before his vision blurred completely and the shock of the events left him completely numb to his surroundings. 

when jongho had woken up, he was back at their little mansion he had become all too familiar with. there was a deep ache in his shoulder that left a sharp shiver of electricity run down his spine as he tried to sit up. he groaned a little, his throat was dry and his whole body just seemed to hate him with every little move he made.

"stop moving, you'll hurt yourself more."

jongho opened his eyes again, absolutely relieved to see a very familiar face that he hadn't seen in a long time. 

"what the hell happened?" he asked as yeosang moved from the doorway to sit on the edge of the bed.

"last mission, you took a bullet for hongjoong. you've been out for three days."

yeosang twirled jongho's hair between his fingers carefully, massaging his scalp a little to try and help relieve his migraine he just knew the younger had. 

"fuck--" jongho croaked a little, the memories were starting to come back. "is hongjoong okay?"

"yes he's fine, thanks to you," yeosang said gently. "the mission was a success. apparently yunho and mingi were tracking this other group that had the same idea as us, that's who you ran into. hongjoong said there were only four of them and he was able to take them out rather easily."

jongho just hummed, closing his eyes again and just focusing on yeosang's calming touch. even after being out for apparently three days, he was absolutely exhausted. 

"it's impressive you were able to even see them, hongjoong has insanely sensitive ears and i swear that man can hear anything and would've heard them coming before you saw them. you proved yourself out there."

"but I got fucking shot," he answered, furrowing his eyebrows as he felt another painful surge burst through him. "the fuck."

yeosang just laughed at him, the bed was definitely shaking as he did.

"I know you've seen the giant scar on my back. I got that one my first mission too. some asshole sliced my back with a knife because I got caught daydreaming."

and maybe that really did make jongho feel a little better. at least he hadn't been caught slacking off like that, now that would've been embarrassing and utterly humiliating. there was a knock on the door and both yeosang and jongho turned to see seonghwa with san and wooyoung pocking their heads into the room.

"shit he lived," wooyoung said, dragging san into the room. both of them jumping onto the bed and immediately being slapped on the back of the head by seonghwa.

"behave yourselves."

both of them bent over, holding the back of their heads as they whined in pain. 

"how are you doing?" the oldest asked him. it was kinda weird to see seonghwa look at him with such concern. the older was someone who never really seemed to give much regard for anyone or anything, but now his eyes were softer and it seemed to be a genuine question. 

"better now, thank you for taking care of me," he answered, bowing his head just a little. 

"we should thank you," san said, a giant smile was once again on his face. "our leader is safe because of you."

"exactly," wooyoung said. and before he knew it, wooyoung was pulling up his shirt in a way that had a soft blush make it's way onto the younger's cheeks. "see this?"

and jongho wasn't sure where he really should look, but his eyes did catch onto a particularly nasty scar near his hip. "that's where I first got shot."

it was a completely normal conversation for them, to talk about and show off their battle wounds and their scars, and it was now that jongho started to find it rather endearing instead of thinking it was insane to compare such things. jongho couldn't tear his eyes away from the other, it seemed that the wound hadn't really healed properly and he had known them all for a little under two years and as far as he was aware, wooyoung hadn't got shot in the time he was there. must've been an old injury that didn't heal. 

"you're one of us now, got a pretty scar to prove it," was what yeosang had added, a soft smile on his lips as he was still petting jongho's head.

there was another soft knock at the door and everyone turned their attention to hongjoong who looked like he had just taken a shower because his silver hair was in a wet mess all over his face. everyone instantly stood up to greet him, except for jongho that hadn't even dreamed of moving if he could. hongjoong just smiled at them and that was the first time jongho had seen the older smile and it was then that he could see what mingi would tell him when he said that hongjoong really wasn't all that scary. 

he came over and sat on the bed next to jongho and patted his leg.

"you really proved yourself," he said.

"everyone is telling me that but it was rather uneventful... you know besides me getting shot."

"you took a bullet for me jongho, on your first mission. that's loyalty that you may not even see in best friends who have known each other for decades."

"he's right, I probably wouldn't take a bullet for him," san laughed beside them, but immediately shut his mouth when hongjoong shot him a look.

"when you first came to us, I wasn't sure how this was going to work out. we've had a shit ton of problems with backstabbing from past partners and I honestly wasn't going to even give you a chance. these men are my family and I can't risk their lives more than I already ask them too."

jongho felt yeosang's hand back in his hair and watched wooyoung's bright smile as he nudged san with his elbow; the other playfully smacking him back.

"i am a man of little words so i'll make this short because i know you're exhausted, but usually I never do what I'm going to do so soon, so take that as a serious compliment."

the room was hushed over, it seemed everyone was leaning in just a little more to hear what hongjoong was going to say.

"when I deem someone worthy of being apart of this, someone who I know won't betray me and my partners, then I award them with a name. seonghwa probably told you earlier, it's the code name we will refer to you as when we do our missions together."

and for a moment, jongho felt rather emotional. he felt like he really was becoming apart of something much greater than he originally thought. it wasn't just a mafia group that he had nearly forced himself upon, but it seemed to also be a family as well. they had taught him that while yes friendships and relationships were very important among them, the life in the line of work they do, it will present them with many unforeseen outcomes. it was wooyoung that warned him to not become too attached, they all needed to be able to detach themselves from each other at some point because there always was a chance that one or a few of them wouldn't come home each time they went out. 

but as jongho looked at all of them, he knew that even though they warned him about those things... they were hypocrites. 

"so, i want to give you your name," hongjoong's voice had broke him out of his day thoughts. "its a name i've been saving until i knew i met the right one."

jongho might've seen something flicker in seonghwa's eyes. he wasn't brave enough to call it pride, but it definitely was along those lines.

"jongho, I'd live to give you the name little eagle. it stems from my own name, and it means very important things to me."

"awe, golden eagle passing his legacy down to little eagle? adorable," wooyoung cooed gently.

"i am still very much your boss," hongjoong lowered his voice, a near growl that he spat at wooyoung. "i will put a bullet through your brain if i want to."

"yeah just say you love me," came the response as the younger draped himself over hongjoong and for a moment jongho feared for wooyoung's life. 

"are you sure?" he asked softly, he felt rather undeserving of the name. he feared that he would fail to live up to something like that.

"i am." was all that hongjoong said before he gave another smile and pushed wooyoung off of him. " i have to go, mingi was able to grab another lead. rest up tonight." 

seonghwa left with hongjoong, leaving the other three man in the room that were looking at him with knowing smirks on their faces.

"that's a huge compliment," yeosang said after a few moments of silence.

"damn right it is. I thought the name he gave you was awesome... now it's just nothing," san laughed as yeosang all but glared at him.

"huh? what's your name?" jongho turned to look up at his friend, another jolt of pain rushing down to his toes.

"oh mine? it's nothing special," and it was the way that yeosang scratched the back of his neck and his usually overly pale cheeks burned a soft pink that jongho knew that it was definitely something special.

"the fuck it aint? hongjoong gave you your name because he happened to see you throw a gernade into a warehouse full of explosives and when the places exploded, you were just walking away from it like nothing had even happened."

jonho's eyes widened as he listened to san's description of yeosang. he knew his best friend was a completely badass, he never saw him in action before, but he did catch bits and pieces every now and then and it made him want to see it up close and personal. 

"what is it?" he asked, turning back up to yeosang who had a soft, but yet humble smile on his face.

when he looked down at jongho, he placed his hand on top of the younger's hair to once again brush his bangs from out of his face. 

"phoenix."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> demeter is a greek goddess and she guaranteed the fertility of the earth and protected both farming and vegetation.
> 
> also I'm thinking of just having one more chapter to finished this story up, stay tuned <3


	4. oizys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, I've been swamped in work for uni and may or may not have died a few times :")
> 
> this chapter will be a little different, it's more to develop the relationship they all share with each other, rather than action.

a lot can happen in five years. that's enough time to nearly forget who you thought you were orginally, and be completely overcome by this new person you've become. the clear line of self identity and who you really are, can gray so thickly to the point where you're stuck in a cloudy barrier with no real answer. jongho thought he knew who he was. he had it all planned out from start to finish. he was the kind of person that needed a fixed schedule to operate to, almost needing every day to have the same outcome of events to consider it successful. 

before, he would have a scheduling book that he would write down all his exams and class times and work hours so he could check them off one by one. but now, there was really no sense of order. most things were done by ear, no one scheduled anything in particular, it was all done right in that minute. at first it hadn't bother jongho too much, he could get used to the constant stress of always needing to be on his toes every second of the day. san and wooyoung were experts in that field, in fact, it was usually them that were giving jongho his daily dose of stress. 

the two of them were bundles of energy, no matter how much they practiced together throughout the days when they had nothing else to do, they still could never settle down. even though jongho was younger than the both of them, he never found himself having that much energy. in fact some days he could barely find the energy to get up in the morning or even make a simple breakfast. san and wooyoung always took cheap shots at each other, throwing punches to the gut when the other wasn't looking or jumping on someone's back to tackle the other to the ground, it was like they were children really.

over the years of getting to know each and every one of them, it was very safe to say that they all put up a very dark and intimidating front but none of it was true. even thought it was natural for them, at least for the most part, them being assassins and all, but they really were just a bunch of men in their twenties that despised a corrupt system and wanted to change it. they weren't bad people at all, maybe their ideologies were a little twisted in some areas and the fact that they killed people for a living might be a little bit of a red flag, but besides that, they were gentle people. five years is plenty of time to get to know someone.

they all had seemed to take jongho under their wing, him being the youngest definitely helped to feed their hunger to protect and teach him all they knew. san and wooyoung especially loved to make themselves seem old and wise whenever they would sit jongho down late at night on the porch to look at the sky. they always brought up the "when I was your age" comment and proceeded to tell him all about their adventures before they came to hongjoong's company.

"wooyoung and i were very different people nine years ago," san had told them. he had a coke in his right hand that he would sip on occasionally. "we grew up together and our families weren't exactly good people if you know what i mean."

wooyoung nodded his head, tiping his empty beer can all the way up to try and get the last drops. "they sucked ass."

"we ran away in high school, fending for ourselves as much as we could. had to live on the streets for some time because we struggled getting jobs."

"no one wanted street boys that looked more like thugs than anything else."

san chuckled at that, soft smile of his face as he seemed to reminisce, " we didn't plan to get caught up in a mafia either, you can probably relate to that."

jongho nodded in complete understanding, his statement had hit home. "what happened?"

"well we got caught up in some gang activities, that was how we stayed alive. we grew up on the wrong part of town and either you knew people to stay alive or you didn't. san and i were too head strong to just give up like that, so we improvised. one thing led to another and we got sucked into a mafia group through the gang activities."

"right, the group doesn't exist anymore thankfully," san commented quickly, his eyes shifting over to watch jongho. "they weren't something you would be proud to associate yourself with."

jongho just listened quietly, occasionally looking up at the stars that burned much brighter out here than they did in the city. it really was gorgeous. 

"what happened to them?"

"hongjoong killed them all."

"that's when we first met him. we only had been with them for about two years. two years too many if you ask me."

"definitely two years too many. i mean they did teach us pretty much everything we know, they taught me how to fight and defend myself," san tilted his head back and rested it against the railing on the porch. "i will forever be grateful for that. would've been dead long ago if it wasn't for them. they even taught wooyoung how to shoot and i know he's grateful for that too but is too prideful to admit it."

jongho glanced over to wooyoung who had a rather blank look on his face, "i don't like to give them credit for anything good that's happened to me."

san shrugged his shoulders, "but even all of that, they were very corrupt. their ideals were really all about torture more than anything else. drugs dealers at best too, and on top of that, they were working under hongjoong's father. back then is when hongjoong really started rebelling against his father in secret, sabotaging him from the inside out."

"whenever we went out for cocaine trips, they'd make us torture our victims. say it was apart of the fun and that they deserved it for getting caught on the wrong side of things. I don't like to remember those times."

even though jongho knew that san and wooyoung didn't do those things anymore, he couldn't help but feel a little uneasy in their presence at this moment. he knew each of them had a past, most of them had one they weren't proud of and they were all trying their best to make right of their wrongs. but just knowing of what they used to do, or what they were capable of did not leave an easy feeling in his stomach. 

"we'll always think of hongjoong as our savior," san leaned forward, crushing the can in his hand and setting it down on the ground. "he got us out of there. he had snuck into our base one night and lit the whole thing up. the thing that stuck out most to me was that hongjoong only killed the people that came at him. it was weird to watch, wooyoung and i were hidden behind some big sand bags. we were so used to so much unexplained killing that seeing someone only kill in self defense was rather weird."

"i honestly thought he was going to kill us. we didn't have any weapons on us at the time because we weren't on watch that night so when he found us, we really thought it was over for us," wooyoung chucked his empty beer can at san. "but instead he took one look at us and asked if we wanted to work with him."

jongho switched his gaze between the two of them, their expressions were only those of nostalgia. 

"it took us some time, it was hard getting used to working in a completely different environment. we had been hardened over our time there and hongjoong definitely took his sweet time trying to melt us. we've mellowed out a lot, that's for sure," and it was the way that wooyoung said it that jongho didn't believe him even for a second. there was no way the two of them had mellowed out.

"we met seonghwa and yeosang then too. they had already been working for hongjoong apparently," wooyoung commented, his eyes shifting over to jongho quickly. "did you know yeosang was apart of a mafia then? would've been like, maybe six years ago?"

"no, he never specifically told me," jongho answered, folding up his legs to his chest. "but i knew he was caught up in something."

san and wooyoung were both looking up at him expectantly, their silence egged jongho to continue on.

"i mean... i don't know how much he's told you about me, he might not have even mentioned me during those years. but we had grown up together like you both had, our home situation was a lot better though. yeosang was always so quiet and he never did fit in with anything. but i knew he was in something when he would come back home or to our dorm beaten to a pulp. he never told me though, and I didn't want to bother him."

"the whole affiliation thing, you don't blame him for that right?" wooyoung asked him.

"i still ended up here didn't i?"

"it's a miracle it didn't happen sooner," san said. "he shouldn't even have enrolled in university with you in the first place if i'm being honest."

"but i'm," jongho continued slowly, "i'm glad he did." 

there came to be a surprised look on both of the other's faces at jongho's words. "i'm glad he got me into this." 

and maybe that was really the first time in many years that jongho had been able to admit that. for the longest time he still carried the stigma on his back about his life, if anyone asked him, he would've lied right through his teeth. not that he really went out anyways, he was always at their mansion from dusk til dawn unless he was away at a mission, so it was very unlikely that anyone would be asking him of his occupation. he was supposed to be a surgeon, he was supposed to save people, not kill them. 

san and wooyoung looked at each other, a cheeky smile breaking out on their faces, "you've changed."

"a lot can happen to a person in five years."

it got to a point where jongho became very indifferent to things. the more missions he attended, the more he became comfortable with the idea of what he was doing. he had fully accepted that he was in this until he died, he had no other option. yeosang was right, he'd have the mark on his head until the day he bit the dust. once you were exposed to the mafia world, you couldn't escape it. so like anything else, he threw himself completely in it. he had much to learn, so much to catch up on.

everyone there already knew everything there was to know. they all were extremely skilled assassins and had been together for so many years that they had built such a loyal and trusting relationship with each other, that it left jongho admiring it from a distance. 

even in his normal life, before all of this happened, he was never apart of a friend group that had that kind of bond. this was new to see people so loyal to each other, and he couldn't deny that he wanted part in it.

san taught him everything he knew, which he came to regret much later down the road. jongho highkey became a better fighter that he was, he was stronger than the older and was able to pin him every once in a while if he caught san off guard. wooyoung also took it personally upon himself to make sure jongho had the next best shot to carry on his legacy if he ever did die. 

they had created the perfect assassin. jongho was a manifestation of each of them and their finest skills.

they took him nearly on every mission they could, ones that weren't too dangerous for the time being. there were missions that only hongjoong would allow himself and seonghwa to attend sometimes, those were the ones that required them to nearly break into his father's main headquarters. it wasn't that hongjoong didn't trust them to do it, it was just too dangerous in his opinion. the rest of them would always fight him on that. 

jongho would always remember that one night when hongjoong and san had gotten into a rather nasty fight about the whole subject. it wasn't something he liked to remember, but it was one of the defining moments for jongho when he realized just how much hongjoong loved them.

"you nearly trained us all yourself! i don't see the problem!" san had yelled at hongjoong. 

jongho had seen san extremely mad before. the other seemed to get quite a bit of a temper when they were out on the field and it clearly made sense why hongjoong had given him the name fire. but he had never seen anything like the anger san was fuming that night. 

"i told you already, you aren't coming." hongjoong had been standing in the kitchen while the rest of them were sitting at the table after they had finished eating. hongjoong made it very clear that they would all try and eat dinner together if they all were present. san had roughly gotten out of his chair, it had fallen to the ground before he went over to challenge the smaller.

"why the fuck not?" he asked, his voice had increased incredibly. "is it because you think we aren't good enough?"

"i never said that in my life. you know that i know you're skilled," hongjoong looked at him sternly. 

"then you should let us go," it came out as a near snarl when san took a step closer, he was a few inches from being chest to chest with hongjoong. 

"I said no."

wooyoung immediately got out of his chair and grabbed onto san's arm to try and pull him back. despite wooyoung's teasing and taunting personality, he was always the one that would try and calm san's temperament. he really was the ice to san's fire. but as wooyoung grabbed onto san's arm, the older shook him off roughly.

"no! i'm sick of everyone here just going along with it! can't you see that he doesn't see us as his equal?" he was yelling now and jongho felt his blood pressure rise, his heart starting to race the longer this continued.

"choi san," came seonghwa who also stood up, moving over to san and tried to step in between the two of them before anything got worse. "do not speak like that."

"don't you dare tell me what to do! you're just like him! just because you were there for him first doesn't give you special rights!" and maybe there were hot and angry tears that were starting to fill in his eyes, but jongho struggled to see it clearly. 

jongho couldn't see the look on seonghwa's face, but he knew that he didn't want to at all. 

"i get you're in love with him or whatever but," and it was his voice that was shaking now instead of his entire body. "don't you love us too? are you just... trying to slowly get rid of us? you only go on missions with him now..."

"san..." seonghwa tried again, his voice was much softer than before.

"no!" san smacked seonghwa's hand away when the older tried to reach for him. yeosang now made a move to get up as well, standing over next to wooyoung who had his fists clenched together tightly.

"its not just me! wooyoung and yeosang feel the same," he said, voice once again increasing in volume. "do you not think we can do it?"

"it's nothing like that," hongjoong said very carefully. he took some steps slowly towards san who was nearly had steam coming out of his ears.

jongho watched very carefully from his seated position on the chair, not even daring to move a muscle. he watched the way hongjoong kept his cool demeanor and kept his voice soft. not once did he look like he was about to lose his composure or raise an arm at san. there clearly was a reason that he was the leader, not only was he the one to start this whole thing himself, but he also seemed to know how to defuse rising conflicts. 

"then what the fuck is it? are you ashamed of us?"

"no."

"then what hongjoong? why won't you ever answer me!"

"san--"

"shut up! I hate it! every damn time this happens I'm always shut down. i just want a damn fucking answer!"

"because i love you!"

jongho blinked at the increased tone, hongjoong had gotten right back up into san's face, nearly pressing his forehead against the taller's. hongjoong's words had caused san to nearly choke on his own, his mouth opening but then closing immediately. 

"and i love them too," he pointed his finger at wooyoung and yeosang who were just standing silently. "it's not that i favor seonghwa over any of you, or that i don't think you can do it. i have trained each and every one of you at some point and i have never been more confident and trusting of any group of men in my life."

"then why..." and san's voice was just broken. the fire was gone, his temper had simmered down and what was left of his burning anger were only the tears that filled his eyes.

"because," and hongjoong's voice was soft once again as he pressed his palm against san's wet cheek. "if i die out there, i need someone to help continue what i started."

there was silence for a moment while hongjoong's heavy words settled among them. the idea of what that meant exactly was something rather hard to process, but it made san's bottom lip wobble just a little.

"do you know what i mean by that?"

and san just nodded, he dropped his head down to hongjoong's shoulder and let it rest there.

"that goes for all of you," hongjoong looked over to yeosang and wooyoung, before trailing his eyes back over to seonghwa. "you all are my pride and joy. you all follow me for whatever reason to the ends of the earth and back without even a simple question. i have never felt such loyalty from anyone."

jongho watched silently, biting the inside of his cheek. he wasn't sure if hongjoong had meant that he was included in that or not, but what he was sure of was that during this whole time the older had not looked at him once.

"i ask all of you to risk your lives almost every day for me, and still you go. the missions i only take seonghwa with, are missions i know that most likely you all would do completely fine," and then there was a pause as hongjoong let out a breath, his hand coming up to rest it on the back of san's head. "but its the fear of losing any of you that haunts me every night. i can't bare it."

jongho had known that much. he knew that their leader would be up most hours of the night. when he wasn't working with mingi on future plans for next targets, he was sitting alone outside twirling his gun around his pointer finger. jongho only knew that because he himself was up at those times too. he would hear hongjoong sneak out of his room and move down the steps that creaked like no ones business. he could only imagine the stress and guilt hongjoong was shouldering every day, the fear that one of them wouldn't come back because of a plan he had put together. he would probably blame himself until he died.

jongho then thought back to what wooyoung had told him many years ago, that it was important to be able to detach yourself from anyone in their company. if he was honest, jongho really had never accepted the reality that any of them could die at any time. he never really thought that when we waved good bye to yeosang that it could very well be the last time he every saw him alive. while yes, this line of work was very freeing in the sense that you were never really tied down to anyone or anything, it also made it nearly impossible to build real authentic relationships.

but what they had here was something special. jongho knew that each of them were so attached to each other in such a way that heaven forbid something terrible happened, the others may not recover from it. they each had broken the number one rule of being in a mafia, and where heavily paying the price because of it.

"if you were to die," wooyoung spoke softly for the first time, "i'd want to die with you. i don't want to spend a day without you in it."

the look on hongjoong's face was so uncharacteristically soft. jongho could see how san's shoulder were shaking as he nodded his head that was pressed into the other's neck. there was an unspoken conversation that was happening between all of them, but jongho could not understand it. he guessed it was probably a mutual agreement between them all. if one died, they all would want to die with that person so they wouldn't have to bear the phantom pain. 

for as long as he had been with them, he still couldn't read their facial expressions sometimes. he couldn't relate to them when they would talk about their old missions and how they ended up bonding over them. jongho wished he had a story to tell, but he had none. they knew everything about him, but he still knew very little of them. there were inside jokes that he didn't understand, and there was even a very thick line of intimacy they all shared that he did not.

it was very characteristic that they were all huddled together expressing their feelings for each other, while he was sitting alone by himself watching them.

that had been the end of that conversation nonetheless, san had finally come to understand where hongjoong was coming from. it was rare to see hongjoong is a more vulnerable light, but it was clear to jongho that the younger ones needed to see that from him. they needed to see that he was human too, with real human emotions and wasn't just some robot that sat behind a computer or shot people all day for a living.

hongjoong had opened his arms, and all four men had immediately ran into his them. the leader's arms were definitely not big enough to hold them all, but he tried his absolute best to accommodate them all. jongho felt like he was witnessing something he wasn't supposed to be apart of.

these men clearly had something between them and even after five years of fighting alongside them, he had not come to share with them. this was their moment to bond even more, he didn't feel very welcome in the room at the moment. 

he sat there awkwardly for just a few moments more before he decided to get up and leave as quietly as he could, not wanting to draw their attention away from this moment that they very clearly needed. he had already taken so much of their time, forced them to accommodate themselves to him and his needs... he couldn't ask them for anything more.

before he left the room, he looked back at them for a quick glance. there was a slight glimmer of hope that they would notice he was gone, maybe notice that they hadn't included him... but there was none. he bite the inside of his cheek, he couldn't help the selfish ache in his heart he felt as he forced his eyes away from them.

but what he had missed was the way hongjoong's eyes had caught him just as he left, his arm in mid motion to reach out to him, before he had rounded the corner to leave. 

it probably three days later when jongho had been dragged outside by hongjoong himself. he wasn't expecting the older man to grab onto his arm and pull him from the kitchen to outside the mansion to walk down the long dirt road they had. it had been a cold night, little too windy that had left jongho shivering. 

"jongho do you... do you like it here?"

jongho turned to hongjoong, confused by the question. "of course i do, hyung."

whether or not he was convinced by the younger's answer, he just tilted his head down to the ground as he kicked rocks along the path. when jongho watched him, he was reminded of the kids back home that would kick and throw rocks at bikers that were riding by. it was then that jongho realized that in all reality, hongjoong was still really much just a kid, but was forced to grow up way too quickly. 

"do you feel like you fit in with us?"

"well," jongho started, not even sure how to approach the question. "i've been with you all for so long now, this is my home now."

"you didn't answer my question." there was no bark behind hongjoong's words like there usually would be. jongho realized that this was not a converstion between him and his boss, but between him and a friend.

"if I'm honest, i don't think i really can answer that."

maybe the look on hongjoong's face seemed to be a little hurt by his blunt statement, but he shook his head in understanding.

"that's fair, you didn't have much of a choice back then."

"it's not that, i hold no grudges to anyone for that. i understand why you did that."

"it was to protect you."

"I know that."

"then why?"

"its more," and jongho stopped walking, tilting his head up to look at the stars that were just starting to appear in the sky. "i don't know who i am. and it's hard to know where i belong if i can't even figure out what i'm really doing."

"i know exactly what you mean," hongjoong paused too, his gaze casted over to jongho. "it took me forever to figure out who i really was. was i just a rebellious son that had no respect for his father or did i really see issues with the corrupt system? i fought myself for years about that, i still do even. am i doing the right thing? am I leading my partners in the right direction? those are all questions that keep me awake every night."

jongho looked back at hongjoong, his eyes finding the smaller's. he looked rather small in this moment, he clearly had put down his overly commanding and intimidating aura that he held onto for dear life every day. perhaps, not only was that front part of who he was, but also a cover to keep over his sensitive and scared heart. "I think you're doing the right thing."

hongjoong smiled at him gently, "that means a lot coming from you. seonghwa always tells me that on the nights when i really struggle with it. but sometimes i feel like he feels obligated to tell me that."

jongho returned the smile before bringing his hand up to scratch the back of his head. "you should be proud of yourself for doing all of this. bringing them all together, creating a family."

"you always seem to purposely leave yourself out of the equation," hongjoong said very gently as he reached for jongho's hand to hold it softly in his own. "to me, you're as much apart of that equation as anyone else in that house is."

jongho looked down at their hands, nearly shivering as hongjoong ran his thumb gently over his skin. "i really hope you see it that way soon. i want to protect all of you as long as i am alive."

he just nodded his head, forcing a smile to appear on his face to help mask the pain he was feeling in his heart. he so desperately wanted to say that hongjoong didn't need to lie to him to make him feel better. it was easy to see that none of them looked at him like they did each other. what could he expect anyways? they all had known each other for so long, sacrificed so much and were able to form an unbreakable bond. no matter how hard he tried, how well he did on his missions to try and impress them, he was never going to really be one of them. his heart was aching so bad, he longed for the same warmth from them. he knew he could never be anything close to them, but that never stopped him from craving it. maybe he was seriously suffering from stockholm syndrome or something like that, because all he wanted at the end of the day was to be surrounded in a giant bear hug and be told he had done well.

"hyungs..."

in present time, all these memories that jongho remembered, made him realize just how stupid he was. they made him realize how blind he was to their love.

"forgive me,"

he realized that in all honestly, he had been blind and scared of accepting the love they tried to give him. they would be subtle about it as to not scare him away, but jongho would push them away in fear of growing too attached. he was also scared that it was love out of pity and obligation that they were trying to give him. never once had they asked him to give more than he could. they would always praise him after he did incredibly well after a mission, but he feared that it was all a sense of duty they felt compelled to fulfill. 

jongho felt himself shiver violently, not able to even control his body at this point. the cold sweat had taken over him and his feet were completely numb. he no longer even tried to hold pressure against the bullet wound in his side, there was no use to it anymore.

"i never meant for any of this to happen," his voice was so scratchy and hoarse that he was afraid that it wouldn't even be audible. he could barely understand himself, his thoughts were blending together in painful swirls of confusion as he tried his best to piece coherent words together. "i'm sorry i didn't see it before."

the banging on the door was brought back to his attention when there was a notable cracking sound of the wood. jongho turned his head to the side, his neck aching in more than one way as his expressions fell once again, all hope leaking out of his body. the light that was in the hallway now was shinning into the dark room from the sizable hole that had been broken through the door.

"and i'm sorry i never told you this before..."

he watched as quick and angry hands grabbed at the broken wood frames from the door and were pulling more and more of it away, the light creating dancing shadows in the room.

and he realized that he had also broke the number one rule too. "but i love you all too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be one more chapter after this, I promise that this time! I'll update it soon too! since hopefully I'll have more time this weekend.
> 
> also, oizys is the greek goddess of misery!


	5. asteria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end of the story, hope ya'll enjoy it! ngl it kinda hurt me to write this lmao 
> 
> also this is super long, I was going through it :"""")

loyalty was something that hongjoong kept repeating like it was a gospel. that was a very common theme whenever the leader would present a new mission, always telling them how proud he was and just how much closer they were to achieving their end goal. it seemed over the years that he had gotten a little softer with them, or maybe it was just because he was finally comfortable around jongho, now he could be who he originally was before he had joined them.

loyalty seemed to be the foundation they were built upon. a house divided against itself could not stand, and jongho came to realize just how true that really was.

something was different now. something was off. hongjoong and seonghwa seemed to know something that the rest of them didn't. they would stare just a little longer, eyes carefully watching their every move. it seemed that someone was always watching him, even when no one was present in the room. it had become rare that hongjoong or seonghwa would attend missions, and for awhile it seemed to be only the four of them going out to do the dirty work with mingi and yunho guiding them. it wasn't because they were getting lazy, the two of them were just trying to run the entire organization by themselves and they trusted the rest of them to get their hands dirty without needing them.

but lately, one of the two would always come. usually it was seognhwa that attended more times than not, but he worked more in the shadows rather than having a main part to play. it was almost like they were watching them. but they never said anything, never once asked anyone any questions about anything and it left jongho with any unsettling feeling in his gut.

what did they know?

it came apparent to jongho exactly just what they were suspecting one afternoon when seonghwa had come up to him and pulled him into his room. he had never been on the inside seonghwa's room before, it seemed that it was a secret sanctuary the eldest kept very private. it didn't come as a shock when his room was so clean, jongho knew that if he would run the pad of his finger over any of the furniture present there, no dust would come up. seonghwa's room was on the cooler side, the window seemed to be open all the time because the older would constantly say how important fresh air was, to which wooyoung would tell him that more dirt would get into his room that way.

"jongho," seonghwa had called back the younger's attention, a small wave in front of his face.

seonghwa had his hair down completely today, usually he styled it up and out of his face so his hair wouldn't get in his eyes when he was working. but today they had all decided to take a break, no plan building, no small missions to gather information from the city, just a small day of rest. yeosang had banned hongjoong, mingi and yunho from the tech lab as he made sure to keep a very close eye on the door so none of them would sneak in.

they were workaholics after all.

"yes hyung?" he answered, watching the way seonghwa carefully sat down on the small one person chair he had in his room and crossed his legs very gently. he looked up at jongho, his eyes that were usually lined in the smallest amount of eye shadow, were completely bare today. even as his face was naked, jongho had found him more aesthetically pleasing to look at. the man was too beautiful for this line of work, if he was being honest. 

which was rather funny because seonghwa originally had been a model supposedly before he fell under hongjoong's line of work. even after all these years, jongho still doesn't know much of seonghwa's past, and it seems a lot of the others didn't know a bunch either. yeosang had told him that seonghwa used to be a very famous model in his very late teen years and early 20s, but had been caught up in a gang cross fire accidentally when he was walking home from his agency and had gone missing after that. everyone to this day thinks he's dead, even though they never found his body. he then somehow came to work under hongjoong, coincidence or not, jongho was never sure. 

but it made sense after yeosang had enlightened him, why seonghwa was never the one to go out alone for information grabbing in the city. while no one told him directly, he was able to pick up that they would send the "prettiest" one of them to go out and make the older men swoon so they would spill the information like honey. it was always wooyoung that they sent, a master of seduction and a face that held such beautiful and feminine features that jongho wasn't sure even he could resist if he was put under the older's trance. and it made perfect sense, wooyoung was absolutely perfect for the job and he fulfilled it without fail, but he always wondered why seonghwa didn't do it himself. maybe jongho was a little biased, and maybe he was slightly infatuated with the eldest and whether that was because seonghwa made sure to feed him everyday or if it was because the older would make sure to protect jongho in every mission, he would never know.

but it made sense, people would immediately recognize who he was as soon as he went out. it was best that he was presumed dead anyways.

"how have you been lately?" seonghwa asked him.

"i've been well, and yourself?" the question wasn't abnormal, the oldest always made sure to check up on them from time to time but this seemed to be a weird circumstance.

"same, same." he paused for a moment before continuing, "what have you been up too?"

"just finished a movie with wooyoung, been hanging out with yeosang lately... why?"

"oh no reason, i just feel we haven't been able to talk lately, just you and me."

and if jongho was a normal person, he would've believed that instantly. but jongho knew seonghwa's tricks, the older was especially good at what he did but jongho learned from him, he knew the signs. 

"that's true, you've been so busy lately."

"unfortunately yes, hongjoong has been hounding my ear off of a recent development. neither of us have really been able to sleep."

"oh?" jongho asked, that didn't sound good. "is something wrong?"

"oh no, don't worry. tell me, how is everyone doing?"

"i mean... they seem the same?"

"that's good," and jongho could see seonghwa swallow thickly, leaning forward in his chair, a way too sweet smile on his lips. "what have you and yeosang been up to?"

jongho furrowed his eyebrows, he was right, seonghwa wasn't having a normal conversation with him. he was being interrogated. 

"we just go out for walks sometimes. he likes to tell me about the stories he's been reading."

and seonghwa gave him a smile that seemed so genuine that it made jongho think for a moment that he had been wrong about this whole situation. 

"that's precious, i remember when he would tell me about all the things he wanted to do when he got older," seonghwa said softly. "that was back when he didn't fully understand that once you're in this life, you can't escape. he said he wanted to travel the world, wanted to see the eiffel tower at least once before he died. that was his dream."

maybe it hurt jongho more than it should've because he had never known that was yeosang's dream.

"he had such big dreams then, talked about you often too. wanted to take you places and show you all the major pieces of art... he was into some sort of art right?"

"fine arts. yes."

seonghwa's eyes softened considerably, "maybe someday, you never know how things turn out."

"maybe hyung. that would be nice."

"speaking of yeosang, have you noticed anything different about him lately?" 

"no? you know how he is... quiet." jongho answered carefully, a feeling of something rather defensive bubbling in his stomach.

"he's always been quiet hasn't he."

he watched seonghwa stand up and stretch his arms up, a few of his bones cracking as he did.

"what i'm about to tell you, you have to keep a secret. understand?"

"understood," and that was rather concerning, they never kept secrets from each other.

"i'm not sure if you've noticed lately but on all our recent missions, our rivalry group has also always been there. does that ring a bell?"

and it most certainly did. it was frustrating because it always messed them up and recently they hadn't been able to successfully complete anything due to the complications. san nearly had his throat slit out, he had been caught off guard by the sudden rush of men that were most definitely not their own when they stormed the area. thankfully jongho was able to sneak up and shoot the man before anything worse happened. that had been a very scary night for them, hongjoong had called off all activities after that so they could regroup and process everything. 

"it does, i've been confused about that myself."

"you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" 

and there was a flash of something in seonghwa's eyes and jongho did not like it one bit. it made him feel small, almost unwelcome in the other's presence. he just shook his head, "no hyung. i don't."

and the older's expression soften again, nodding his head with a soft smile. he closed the distance between them and gently patted jongho's cheek that was far too intimate for what they had just discussed. 

"i didn't expect you would. c'mon, i'm making bulgogi tonight, want to help me?" 

"of course." 

it continued on like that, it seemed they were watching him more now. especially when yeosang would have his head rested on jongho's lap as he took his much needed afternoon nap, it seemed at least someone would be watching. 

jongho wasn't dumb, he knew exactly what was going on. they suspected him of something. it took him a few weeks to piece it together, but he eventually figured it out with the help of an unknowing mingi and yunho. jongho began to suspect what it was based off of the very vague information seonghwa gave, and he figured the two giants would know more about the situation since they were always conversing with hongjoong. 

since mingi and yunho were strictly on the intelligence side, they never went out into the field and quite frankly didn't even know how to shoot a gun, jongho never interacted with them as much as he did the others. but he enjoyed their company, jongho found himself sitting in the tech lab watching them do their coding work that made his head ache after a few minutes. they were quiet when they worked, completely immersed in the computer screens, but as soon as one of them managed to peel their attention away from the coded numbers and words, all hell broke loose. 

so it wasn't all that unusual when jongho would slip in with them, needing to escape that loudness that san and wooyoung produced on the daily that drove yeosang to lock himself in his room. the both of them would turn their heads to see who it was and then turn back to their keyboards.

"hey jongho," they would greet him.

"hey," he would answer and proceed to find his swirly chair that he claimed as his own. if he had carved his name into the cushion for everyone to see, no one ever said anything. 

he would watch them for a little, very appreciative of the work they did knowing damn well he could never. he found it sort of cute when mingi would get frustrated with just how complex the new security systems were getting and would complain to yunho who would eventually just put on his headphones to ignore the younger. 

"can i ask you both something?" jongho asked after awhile.

both of them turned to him, exchanged a glance and then nodded to him.

"you guys see and know everything that goes on when we do our missions. i already know that you know something about why our rivalry group keeps showing up every single time we go out to hijack something." he was being curt, he really had no time for sugar coated words. "what's going on?"

mingi and yunho once again exchanged a short glance, lips pressing into a firm line before they turned their attention back to jongho. he thought for a minute that they would say it was nothing, or they had no idea about what was going on just like seonghwa and hongjoong did every time he asked them.

"well it's," mingi started, rubbing the back of his head. "there really only is one reason why that would be happening."

"it seems to be that they know everything we know and every move we are making."

"and what does that mean?" jongho asked them.

they hesitated again, and a deep sigh followed right after. "there's a traitor among us."

"what?" jongho was not expecting that answer, he felt his mouth go dry just at the thought alone. 

"we keep extremely tight security around here. we only tell certain people the very specific details of the missions you perform."

"so that means..."

"yeah," yunho said quietly. "it's hard to even come to that conclusion, not after everything we've all been through together. it feels wrong to even accuse someone of treason, but the six of you are the only ones who know this information." 

when jongho had left them, a cold sweat running down his neck, he couldn't even process how that was even be possible. yes, he knew that there always is a chance of backstabbing, but after everything they all have been through, the family they had created... he couldn't fathom such things. 

he couldn't imagine it was hongjoong or seonghwa, that alone just didn't make sense because of the level of hate they had for hongjoong's father and the rivalry group worked under him. it didn't make sense either one would leak information. it also didn't make sense that it was san or wooyoung. while yes they both had their moments and angry fits, the two of them truly did admire hongjoong too much, wanting to be perfect and by his side all the time. each of them had taken serious wounds to make sure hongjoong was safe, so it really wouldn't make sense that they would go through all of that just to be working on the other side. 

it couldn't be yeosang either, the older had been the third addition to the main seven and even though he was always more secretive and quiet, he was too dedicated. yeosang never really showed his feelings much, he felt too vulnerable when he did and he never liked that side of him much, but when he did, jongho had no doubt in his mind that yeosang had loved each of them with his whole heart. 

jongho thought briefly that it could've been mingi and yunho, even though they never went out into the field they were the ones in charge of communication and could easily be in contact with anyone they wanted. but jongho immediately shook his head free of such thoughts, he couldn't be thinking like that.

these people were his family, the ones that saved him. these were people that he loved and trusted with his whole being. he couldn't be trying to single out a person and pin the persecution on them. that would make everything worse. 

but the more and more he thought about it, the more the situation became clear.

when he came to the conclusion, he felt his stomach twist into a knot, blood pressure rising incredibly high as he froze in the hallway. 

they thought it was him.

it made sense, he was the last person to join the group. he hasn't even joined on his own will entirely and that alone could raise suspicions. hongjoong had even told him before that he was worried to even let jongho join because of such backstabbing problems. said he had finally found a group of men that he knew were completely loyal to him, never having a problem with any of them. jongho went out on most missions, he was incredibly good at what he does now and would always be the first person they mentioned that would be going out. he would have the most opportunities to get in contact with other mafia groups.

the more he thought about it, the more the dots were being connected. he knew he wasn't the traitor, he would never even dream of being one. he would rather die than leak any information and put all his partners he loved dearly in danger. but he also had no proof. he couldn't prove that he wasn't the traitor. he would've thought that after all these years of sacrificing his life for them that they wouldn't think it was him, it nearly broke his heart that he was the first one they thought of.

"jongho?"

he nearly jumped when he heard the quiet voice behind him, turning around stiffly to see yeosang who looked like he had just awoken from a nap.

"are you okay? look like you've seen a ghost?" yeosang asked.

"i'm fine," he answered, his voice was just a tad shaky and that was all it took for yeosang to pick up on it.

"you know i don't like it when people lie, especially you."

jongho swallowed thickly, his hands clamming up with each second that passed. did yeosang know about this? if he did, did he also think he was the traitor? his heart dropped immediately at the thought of that.

"i'm sorry," he said softly, tilting his head down to the ground in misplaced shame. 

"so you know." and it came off as a statement rather than a question and that alone made jongho shiver. 

"know what?" he asked carefully.

"you know what i mean."

"it's not me!" he blurted out, not even thinking.

yeosang seemed taken aback but his sudden outburst, the last bit of sleep being wiped away from his eyes as he rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. 

"i never said it was."

"but you were thinking it."

"no, i actually wasn't."

this conversation was heading in a direction that did not favor jongho at all, each word that he said was probably being analyzed by the other. he needed to shut his mouth. 

"they are... everyone else, they look at me like i'm the outsider, it's not me..."

yeosang was quiet, he said nothing and his gaze remained the same no matter what jongho said.

"please believe me. i would never--" 

the older man reached out his arm and and grabbed onto jongho to pull him in for a hug, arms wrap loosely around his waist. "i know."

"you believe me?"

"i do."

yeosang was always a man of little words, but that just made the words he did speak that much more powerful. it was relieving, whether yeosang actually believed it or not did not matter, he could breathe just a little better by those comforting words. it did nothing to soothe the ache in his chest though, the hurt and pain that the others seemed to automatically think it was him. he thought that they trusted him, that they loved him. had it all been a lie? where they all putting on some sort of act as to catch jongho red handed? 

was anything of this real?

"i need to figure it out."

"figure what out?" yeosang asked, pulling away from the younger.

"who it is," he replied.

"and just how do you plan on doing that?"

"i'll go to their base, they've got records of who does what. hard evidence will be enough proof."

and it seemed that yeosang stiffened up at that. his droopy posture had immediately straightened, his sleepy eyes were wide and very much alert.

"you can't do that."

"why not?" he asked, voice increasing just a hair.

"because it's dangerous. this is our rival after all. you can't just sneak in there by yourself just to clear your name. the chances of you finding hard evidence is slim to none."

and maybe yeosang was right. in fact he really was. going on a solo mission was something that jongho didn't have much experience with, he always preferred to have someone go with him. not only would this be a solo mission, but one of the most dangerous missions any of them could do. it had been brought up before, doing something like this, to steal some of their information and report back but with the way their missions have been turning out lately, hongjoong put a stop to it real quick.

"i know that, but not only could i figure out who it is, but i could also steal some of the information we need to further our findings."

"it's too dangerous."

"you know just how skilled i am, it'll be fine," jongho argued, not even noticing now that his fists were clenched up. "right now, the people that i have come to love think i am a traitor. i would do anything so they would look at me like I'm one of them again."

and yeosang's expression dropped even more, the blank expression he had earlier morphed into a deep frown as he looked away. when he looked back at jongho after a few moments, it looked like he had wanted to say something desperately, but couldn't bring himself to say it. 

"at least let me come with you," is what came out instead.

as they geared up, they made sure to do it in the dead of night while everyone else was asleep. choosing to carry handguns instead of bringing their preferred rifles for the sake of convince. they loaded up multiple magazines because they knew they'd need plenty. as jongho pulled down his sleeves on his arms, he let himself look at the tattooed that had been imprinted into his skin for many years now. that tattoo was their symbol, it showed that he was one of them. the longer he looked at it, the bigger the lump felt in the back of his throat. they both grabbed their earpieces, making sure to connect them to each other so they could communicate. 

there were three lights, two blue and one red. the first blue meant that his earpiece was connected to the others, the second blue light meant that they were connected to the mother board where yunho would be able to hear it. as yeosang went to connected them to the big machinery, jongho grabbed his hand.

"don't. we need to do this on our own."

sneaking out wasn't that difficult, but starting up the truck had both of them holding their breaths, hearts racing as they drove down the long dirt road to make their way past the city. they had no plan, only really relying on their knowledge of the layout of their base from anonymous whistleblowers. it really hadn't even been that hard to sneak in either, much to their surprise. usually that meant most of them were out and about on a mission and this seemed to be their luck day.

jongho wasn't sure exactly when he was separated from yeosang. all the chaos had distracted him from the sudden loss of his partner, usually able to immediately pick up when any of them had fallen back due to some sort of complications, but jongho knew yeosang. yeosang worked a little differently than the rest of them, never exactly following the plan exactly how mingi and hongjoong told him too.

he would slip away unbenounced to anyone, and return to them a few moments later with all of his parts executed perfectly without a scratch on him. so when the both of them had been nearly ambushed and jongho had turned back briefly as he ducked skillfully behind a pile of wooden planks and hadn't seen yeosang behind him, it didn't really phase him all that much and thought nothing of it.

that was his first mistake that night.

it wasn't his fault, the older always did that. he would make a sharp turn randomly that the others couldn't follow him as he made his escape. they hadn't expected to be ambushed, they probably should've however. they were able to enter their base way too easily, it had been too quiet. they should've known something was up. they knew better than that. it was a miracle that neither of them had been shot in that short moment. nearly four men had jumped out behind them catching them off guard. jongho had bolted down the hall to the right and as far as he knew, yeosang had followed him.

jongho had managed to lose them thankfully, his hiding spot seemed to be concealing his location very well. 

"phoenix," he whispered as he pressed his fingers to his earpiece. "come in."

it wasn't the end of the world that he didn't respond, he might've been in a situation where he couldn't respond at the moment. he tried again a few moments later, and still no response. 

jongho peaked out from behind the pile of wood, the men had run right by him thankfully and the coast was clear for the time being. the second mistake he made that night was still continuing on with his mission. from the way they had been ambushed nearly right off the bat should've been a major red flag and should've just turned back immediately. but jongho needed this to happen, he just had to figure out who it was. 

he snuck around the warehouse carefully, so light on his feet as he moved in and out of the rooms. this seemed to be a temporary hideout for them, there was no furniture for the most part, some of the rooms stored supplies that held no value to jongho. so he kept going on. 

"phoenix." he tried again, darting behind a wall and squatting down while holding his gun next to his chest. 

there was silence for a little while more and now that was a little worrying. usually he would hear from yeosang by now, it had been at least ten minutes since they were separated and he really should've heard at least one word from him. he stayed still for a moment, trying to wrack his brain for the memories of the layout. the building was at least seven stories tall, the first few levels were completely barren and it seemed they had stationed themselves on the top three levels. 

suddenly, jongho heard a few gunshots ring out into the night. the sound bouncing off the walls very loudly, followed by yelling and then what sounded like wood being shattered. then absolute silence for a few minutes. 

"little eagle."

and it was the way he said it that had jongho stop in his tracks. his voice did not entirely sound like his own, it sounded like he was overly winded, barely able to get the syllables out.

"phoenix? where are you?"

"get out of here."

jongho furrowed his eyebrows, dipping into another bigger room. "what?"

"i said get out of here. go home."

jongho had half the mind to use his real name, ask him what the hell he was talking about.

"where are you?" he asked again, more sternly, his voice had gotten a little louder than it should've for this situation. 

when there came no reply, jongho knew something was very wrong. no matter what, you never left anyone behind. if they were still alive, there was always a chance to save them, you never ever left them behind. he shot out of the room, not even looking if anyone was in the hallway like he should've, and started running around the building. he climbed the stairs to the next level, briefly glancing around before bolting across the room. this was the first level that had lights in the rooms and hallways and jongho just knew that meant he was getting closer and closer. 

"phoenix?" he whispered out. he held his gun in front of him, keeping his head on a constant swivel. his heart was in his throat as he was starting to sweat, the fear of what was going on caused his hands to shake. 

the original mission had been long forgotten, all he could think about was finding yeosang and getting out of there. the revelation of what they were doing was finally hitting him, this was the dumbest thing he had ever done. they had no business being here. jongho especially had no reason dragging yeosang with him. and now it seemed that yeosang was in trouble and he was alone and he doesn't remember this part of the warehouse at all.

jongho heard some voices behind him, jerking him out of his long train of thoughts as he stormed into another room quickly. he hid behind the door as four men passed him, they all had guns in their hands, talking to each other in hushed voices as they were probably looking for jongho and yeosang. after they had passed, jongho slid out from behind the door and made a move to dash into the room that was parallel to the one he was in currently, but something caught his eye.

he had to do a double-take, there seemed to be a lump in the corner that was moving. the lack of light in the room was not helping, but one particular move and one particular catch of the light from the hallway left no further questions about what it was.

"yeosang?"

no code words were used, his voice breaking at the end. jongho stood there, arms dropped to his sides idly. his knees nearly buckled as he took a step closer to the lump without him knowing, it was like he was on autopilot. jongho's mouth dropped open as he finally dropped to his knees onto the hard concrete, hands reaching out shakily. when his palm made contact with the person's cheek, he sucked in breath that almost made him choke. the person flinched, eyes darting open in pure fear before their mouth fell open as they cried out. 

"yeosang.. what happened?" jongho asked rather frantically. he pulled yeosang up farther on the wall, helping the other sit up better. the extra addition of the light against yeosang's skin left jongho nearly gagging. there was a giant gash that had ripped his left ear, slicing the skin on his scalp and had blood dripping down his cheek and neck. 

"fucking hell--" jongho placed both of his hands on yeosang's cheek, trying to shake him more awake. it seemed the other had begun to go into shock, the head injury alone could cause that. jongho ran his fingers over the side of yeosang's head, his heart beat had increased heavily when he realized the severity of it. 

"jongho..." yeosang croaked gently, his head tilted to side, resting against jongho's hand that tried his best to hold still. in a fit of rather violent coughs, yeosang doubled over, spitting up blood onto his lap and then gritted his teeth together as he attempted to stifle his cries. 

"get out of here," he tried his hardest, another fit of coughing taking over him.

"shh shh, i'm not going anywhere," jongho said softly, he noticed the tears that where falling down yeosang's cheeks. his chest tightened painfully, fingers shaking heavily as he pressed them against yeosang's pulse point. his heart dropped to the floor and he felt sick to his stomach as he had to look away from the older for a moment. 

his pulse was so low. 

"no you gotta," yeosang grabbed onto jongho's arm, and he could see that the older's eyes were completely glazed over. his nose was bleeding, probably busted as well as his usually beautifully, straight nose, had a slight curve to it. "go..."

"i'm not leaving without you. fucking hell, what happened?" jongho struggled to put his words together, his mind was racing a million miles per minute as he took in yeosang's appearance. 

yeosang seemed to try and swallow, leaning his head back against the wall, his shallow breathing was doing nothing to calm jongho. 

"they got me. please i can't get up," yeosang opened his eyes again, more tears falling down his bloodied cheeks as he pleaded with jongho. "my legs are broken."

jongho couldn't bring himself to look down and assess the the situation going on with yeosang's legs, he felt so lightheaded and for a moment he worried he was going to pass out. but jongho shook his head and grabbed onto yeosang's arm and tried to pull him forward. 

"i'll carry you. i'm getting you out of here," he pulled forward more, intending to through yeosang over his shoulder and carry him to safety. but the shrill of a cry that left yeosang's mouth had him freezing his tracks, immediately stopping all movements. 

"fuck, stop," he cried, hands reaching down to his stomach as he leaned over on himself.

"fuck i'm so sorry," jongho placed both of his hands on yeosang's cheeks again, helping the older to look up at him. he looked over yeosang again quickly, the head wound had seemed to have clotted a little, which was good news to jongho. but when yeosang pulled his hands away from his stomach, they were covered in fresh hot blood as they grabbed onto jongho's arms as tightly as he could.

"yeosang..."

"you need to go," he begged softly, coughing again and wincing as he did. jongho moved one of his hands down to grab onto the hem of yeosang's shirt, pulling it up just a little. 

jongho had to bit his tongue, pushing his cry down his throat that settled miserably in his stomach. he pressed his lips together and he felt his eyes tear up as he let go of his shirt carefully.

"how bad?"

"it's not that bad," jongho shushed him, rubbing his thumb gently against yeosang's cheek. his head was being to ache with how hard he was trying to suppress the urge to cry, the blunt lie did nothing to help settle his conscious. 

"hurts like a fucking bitch," yeosang gritted out, furrowing his eyebrows together as he grunted when he tried to shift his weight.

jongho just nodded his head. he didn't know what to say. he didn't know how to tell his best friend that he had two bullet wounds in his stomach. he didn't know how to tell him that the amount of blood he had already lost was life threatening. instead of speaking, he just moved to sit against the wall and moved yeosang as carefully as he could to lean against him without hurting him too much. every little inch that yeosang moved seemed to be exruiating, he was panting when he had finally maneuvered him into a more comfortable position, resting his face and body against jongho's chest.

"your heart is beating so fast," yeosang whispered, gingerly placing his hand on the younger's chest.

jongho pressed his own hand to his mouth, trying his absolute best to not cry out. he had to be strong, he couldn't freak yeosang out. he just had to be calm. 

"i need to tell you something," he added shortly after. 

jongho could feel yeosang's body shaking in near contractions. he knew there wasn't much time left.

"what's that?" he tried his best to make his voice sound calm and steady, moving his hand down to brush yeosang's hair out of his face and wipe the sweat off of his forehead.

"it was me," he said softly, body curling in on himself as he choked up more blood, gripping onto the floor. "was me."

jongho didn't even care in that moment, he didn't care that it had been yeosang. it shocked him, his heart stopped for a moment and he felt all the air leave his lungs, but in that moment, it didn't matter to him. it dawned on him in that moment, that seognhwa had not thought it was him, he was interrogating him because he was the closest to yeosang. seonghwa seemed to have known it was yeosang and thought to ask him to confirm it. that meant, no one at that house thought it was him. 

he had been wrong about them.

"say something, please..."

"i don't care."

"don't say that," the older whined again, body convulsing in unnatural ways. " please don't say that."

"you had your reasons," he said softly.

"no i," and jongho could tell that yeosang was struggling so bad to speak and put his sentences together, he keep tripping up over his words and was stuttering. "i never wanted to. i was just trying to protect everyone, please i would never do it willingly--"

"yeosang," jongho said so softly, his hand rubbing at the back of the older's neck in the way he knew he liked it. "i know you. you wouldn't do it unless you had to for our sake. don't push yourself."

"tell hongjoong," he cried out, voice cracking at the end as he pulled harshly on jongho's shirt. "tell him that i had to-- to protect him and everyone. please i just had to keep you all safe--"

jongho could feel his shirt become more wet by the second, probably a mixture of the older's blood and tears. "shhh, hyung i know. i promise."

"please i love them..." and it was the cry that followed that jongho could no longer hold the tears back. his whole body shook violently as he wrapped yeosang in his arms and held him tightly.

"i'm so sorry, i should've told you."

"this is my fault. don't blame yourself."

"jongho..."

"not up for dicussion." 

yeosang made a sound in the back of his throat, pressing his face further into jongho's chest. "jongho it's.... it's getting so hard to breathe."

jongho just nodded his head, unable to open his mouth because a cry would immediately follow. he continued to play with yeosang's hair, twirling it around his stained fingers. 

"please... i don't want to die."

and it was that comment that had jongho nearly losing himself. he held yeosang closer to him, his body was no longer shaking and was completely limp in his arms. 

"you won't die, don't worry," his voice definitely cracked and was way more shaky then he needed it be. he saw his own tears drop down off of his nose and land on the top of yeosang's head.

yeosang hummed softly, his hand dropped down to the ground. jongho picked up his hand and held it in his own gently. 

his hand was so cold.

"wanna see so much," he nearly whispered, voice soft now. he had his eyes closed now, trying his best to let his own breathing copy jongho's. and jongho thought back to all of yeosang's dreams he had that seonghwa told him. yeosang wanted to see the eiffel tower, travel the world and see the major art exhibits... live a somewhat normal life.

"i'll take you, we'll go see all you want," jongho whispered softly, lip wobbling as he did. his empty promises were causing his heart to crack into a million pieces.

yeosang smiled softly, trying his best to chuckle but it didn't work, his voice failing him in the end.

they sat there, in the silence. jongho kept his arms tightly around the older, rubbing his arm gently when he fell subject under his full body shivers. it was then that jongho realized, they could've avoided this. if he had waited, if he had come up with a plan first and followed the rule of making sure to consult with hongjoong first before any mission... then none of this would've happen. if he hadn't been so selfish, so headstrong... so emotional, then the one he loved wouldn't be dying in his arms.

all his life, jongho had always been able to do something. he had always been the one to save people, protect them from the dangers of this line of work, but not this time. he caused this. he couldn't even do anything.

"jongho," yeosang said after a little, voice so scratchy.

"hm?" jongho answered, looking up to the ceiling, his tears spilling down his cheeks.

"thank you."

and jongho cried, he couldn't hold it back. he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to yeosang's forehead for a few seconds.

"i won't lie, this is scarier than i thought it would be..." yeosang looked up at him, eyes still closed as he sighed, speaking so slow. "dying... knowing my life is ending..."

jongho pressed another kiss to yeosang's forehead and then his nose, he wondered vaguely is the older could even feel it.

"phoenixes never die, they always resurrect in their ashes."

yeosang smiled again softly, jongho's words seemed to have comforted him quite a lot as his breathing leveled out significantly. the younger held him for awhile more, trying his best to hum some sort of a tune of a song he barely even knew. he felt yeosang shake again, the older seeming to panic again as his body convulsed. 

"jongho--"

"shh," he whispered softly, "you're okay. you're safe. i've got you and i won't ever let go."

that seemed to sedate yeosang enough, his body settling down once more. he had mumbled something about not being able to feel anything in his body, and jongho just repeated what he said earlier. he couldn't say anything else, his brain wasn't able to come up with words or sentences. all he could think about, trying to sooth himself, was that yeosang was going to a better place. a place without pain and worry, without the heaviness of the guilt he had on his shoulders. yeosang needed to go. jongho had to let him go. 

so jongho held him so close, kissed the top of his head a few more times as he pushed yeosang's bangs out his face. he thought about his childhood with him, growing up with each other as they learned knew things. he thought about their late night discussions they would have in his basement. he would remember how they used to be before all of this, before all this pain. he continued to hum, listening to yeosang's jagged breathing. he told yeosang to listen to his heart, to listen to it's steady beating and let that sound guide him wherever he was going. jongho held him, until his body had turned cold, limp in his arms and unmoving. jongho had his hand placed on yeosang's chest, to feel his heart beat, and when he felt it slow down to a near murmur, a last intake of a breath, he leaned down and pressed his forehead against the older's.

"you did so well, i'm so proud of you." 

which leads him to the most present moment. slouching against the wall as quick and angry hands break away the door with each passing second. the dancing figures on the wall looked like dancing demonds and as far as jongho was concerned, they were. 

when they had found him with yeosang, it probably had been ten minutes after the fact. they had managed to shoot jongho before he managed to scramble away. that alone wouldn't have been that bad, but right as he had rounded the corner, someone smacked his head with a piece of wood. 

so here he was, laying on the cold floor of the warehouse, bleeding out way too quickly, and all he could think about was the men he had come to call his partners. if he hadn't doubted their love, their trust in him, had asked more questions and hadn't assumed things... none of this would've happen. yeosang would still be alive, he would be safe at home with the rest of them. 

"thank you for all you've given me," he forced his voice out as best as he could. he couldn't hear himself anymore, all the sounds had blurred together at this point. "you were the only people i'd call my family."

he thought briefly about what they all would think. how would they react? would they cry? it didn't matter anyways, he wouldn't be there to see.

and for a moment, he couldn't help but smile. the guilt of everything he felt was slowly washing away, the pain and the suffering was becoming a distant thought. every time he blinked, the shapes of the world would blend. he couldn't make out a single thing anymore. the world he once knew was now just a splash of color. 

the first rays of the morning were beginning to shine through the window, the beautiful swirl of pinks and yellows warmed over his cold body. both his arms dropped down to his sides, his head rolled to the side as he just watched the warm colors take over. he couldn't feel anything, all the pain he had previously experienced was numbing away. 

he felt at peace, for the first time in his life.

he thought briefly that maybe he should've been more scared, should've been upset that his life on earth was ending as he knew it. he would cease to exist for all eternity, his legacy would pass as the sun would set. but he felt no worries, his stomach finally settling in a calm manner. 

by the time they had broken into the room, the door completely shattered all over the place, jongho was not conscious enough to even recognize it. he couldn't see the men piling into the room and surrounding him, only a splash of black swirling in with what little vision he still had.

when one approached him, jongho couldn't help but smile, his heart erupting with warmth. he didn't know that the man had his arm stretched out, gun in hand as he aimed it at jongho who feebly reached out his own hand. all he could see, was a certain blonde man. no scratches, no blood, no scars. a splash of white erupted as he reached out his hand, reaching towards jongho. 

"let's go," he said softly, the gentlest of smiles of on his face. "it's okay, we're safe now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if y'all want like a small little epilogue or something like that. but thank you for reading this, it means a lot <3
> 
> asteria is the greek goddess of falling stars and night deviations.


	6. special chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so due to high demand and my own need for just something sweet... this is a special (very short) super fluffy and happy chapter to help aid those of us who were destroyed by the ending :")
> 
> this isn't really an epilogue ... it's not a continuation of events after the ending of the last chapter. it takes place a year earlier just so you know.
> 
> just some fluff and gooey shit.

when jongho woke up in the morning, he rolled to the other side of his bed and let out a soft sigh. he had left his curtains open and he could see outside, the sky was gray and had a gloomy appearance. it seemed very fitting for what day it was. 

jongho didn't have anything against birthdays. he never really had terrible memories with any of his with prior years, but he never liked to celebrate them. maybe it had to do with something about his hatred for being the center of attention for more than thirty seconds at a time. he also hated people getting presents for him, making him a cake or anything of that matter, he just hated people doing things for him.

with was very hypocritical of him because at the same time, he would also whine to yeosang when the older got up off the couch to grab himself a snack, to get jongho one as well. or when jongho couldn't seen to figure out how to download a certain program properly on his computer, he would nearly throw it at mingi and demand the older help him.

a little twisted ? maybe. 

but jongho was already twisted in more ways than one so what was a little more?

but luckily for him, none of his partner's knew when his birthday was. they used to not celebrate birthdays all that much just because they were extremely busy most days, a soft kiss or a "happy birthday" did plenty enough for them. but as of lately, their business had been slowing down because hongjoong's father hadn't had much activity as of late. while that was relieving to them, they had never really admitted the stress of the missions that burdened their shoulders, but that meant; more birthday celebrations. 

as of this year, it had been the fourth year that jongho had been apart of their mafia organization, and so far, every one of their birthday's had been celebrated. 

but as much as jongho hates celebrating his own birthday, there is some part of him deep down that also craved that little sliver attention. it made no sense, he didn't want the others to fawn over him, but he also would be upset if they didn't say anything. he confused himself honestly. 

but it didn't matter, they didn't know it was today anyways. 

they never bothered to ask.

when he rolled out of bed, his joints and muscles screaming at him because of his training session with san the day prior which seonghwa decided to join for the sole purpose of beating up on them. with love of course, the oldest made sure to keep the two cocky members in their place. being cocky in this line of work was a one way ticket to death.

he passed wooyoung in the hall, the other was playing a game on his phone but he managed to look up briefly, "morning jongho."

"morning hyung," he said quietly before heading down the stairs, his knees cracking with each step in descent. 

seonghwa was in the kitchen with hongjoong, the two were deep in conversation with each other. it seemed to be something about how hongjoong's rifle kept jamming and misfiring and seonghwa telling him to just get a new one instead of trying to fix it for what seemed to be the twentieth time. but hongjoong had a special attachment to that rifle, it was the first one he ever had, it was also the rifle that he had killed his first man with. 

"you know i can't do that," hongjoong whined, and jongho knew that seonghwa was the only person that hongjoong would whine too. it was rather cute.

"then be my guest and get shot on the clock cause your rifle jammed again," the oldest answered, seeming annoyed with the conversation 

"hyung, come on--" and hongjoong seemed to catch jongho standing there rather awkwardy out of the corner of his eye, "morning jongho."

"morning," he said softly, robotically moving over to the fridge to grab a protein drink.

he felt both of their eyes on him as he tried his best to choose between chocolate and vanilla, and oh apparently they had a strawberry one left. he took it as his breakfast that morning and closed the fridge before he turned back to them. usually he would make some eggs and fry up some bacon to go along with it, but he didn't want to bother the two of them anymore than he already had.

"anything special today?" jongho asked, and just maybe, he had hoped they knew.

hongjoong seemed to think for a moment, humming out loud before shaking his head. "i don't think so? today is just a lazy day. am i forgetting something seongwha?"

"not that i can think of."

maybe jongho's heart sunk just a little bit at that, but he tried his best to push a smile to his lips and nodded his head. "sounds good, thanks."

the rest of the day went by like that, everyone really had their own things they were doing. san and wooyoung had spent the entire day in the basement doing only god knows what. all jongho knew, was it was in his best interest to not go and check. yeosang had gone with mingi and yunho to build and try to fly a new drone they had gotten, outside. they really were children sometimes. jongho could hear when yunho would yell at mingi when the drone would nose dive right into the ground. 

what was jongho doing? he was watching the newest episode of his comfort show, miraculous ladybug. he probably spent the entire day rewatching all the episodes he could, nearly eating an entire extra large pizza as he tried his best to not pull his hair out when the two main characters couldn't seem to figure out the other's real identity. the only difference was the fact that they had a mask on, it really shouldn't be that difficult to figure it out. 

but then again, he wore a mask to conceal his identity and it definitely did its job, so maybe he was being a little too hard on the writers.

as the night dragged on, the sun having set a long time ago, jongho found himself feeling rather upset. he knew he shouldn't feel this way, it wasn't their fault that they didn't know. but even still, he craved for just a little bit of special attention today ... even just for a few seconds.

they all meant well, he knew that for the most part. yeah sometimes he doubted it at times, but he also had to remember that they seemed to carry and deal with their stress a little differently than he did. so when they made a snarky or overly sarcastic comment, jongho had to remind himself that it was not a reflection of him, but of how stressed the others were. jongho was someone that took situations as they came, he tried his best to not worry about things he couldn't change. he also really tried to not think much in the future as well, he knew hongjoong worried himself sick most days over things like that. all the others seemed to worry about every little thing, something always seemed to mean something, no matter how insignificant. that was never something jongho had picked up on, maybe it was a more veteran assassin thing. 

wooyoung and san came up from the basement, hushed chuckles as they lightly punched each other's shoulders. jongho perked up at their presence, turning down the volume of the tv so he could try and talk to them.

"hey!" he tried to call out to them. he thought he had been loud enough for them to hear, but apparently not because the two of them walked right into he kitchen without even sparing him a glance. 

when the trio came back inside from their day of drone flying, shivering from the cold of fall, jongho saw his last bit of hope. 

yeosang.

he should know what day it was.

"yeosang," jongho called to him before the other could escape. 

the older turned to him, an immediate soft and warm smile making it's way to his face. that was a good sign. "hey you."

"do you know--"

and jongho was cut off because the older seemed to remember something, "sorry jongho, hold that thought. i need to talk to hongjoong real quick."

so he was left there, the lights turned out and just some random episode playing on the tv. he sunk in on himself in defeat, and maybe his heart started to ache more than it should've. he bit his tongue and tried his best to hold his overly emotional tears from spilling over. he couldn't believe he was almost crying over something so silly like this, it really was pathetic. 

maybe he was too selfish. 

jongho grabbed a blanket that was wrapped over the back of the couch and wrapped it around himself, laying down on the sofa to comfortably watch the last few episodes he wanted to.

"happy birthday me." he mumbled to himself. 

he must've fallen asleep nearly after one episode, which was a rather dangerous thing to do in that household. the pranks they would pull if someone feel asleep in the common room were borderline inhumane sometimes. seonghwa had to make it a rule that their own personal rooms were like home base, no pranks were allowed if someone was in their own sanctuary. the eldest had tried to make it a universal comment, but all eyes had drifted to wooyoung who just waved. 

he was woken up by the sounds of the floor creaking, which was followed by two pairs of hands covering his eyes. even though he immediately knew who it was by the touch alone, if he had any doubts previously of who it was, the squeaking laugh that followed after left no room for discussion. 

"wooyoung-- what are you doing?" and maybe he was a little annoyed with the tone of his voice.

there came no reply, and he heard more shuffling around the room and maybe something being knocked over which was followed by an "oh shit-".

"what the fuck is going on?" jongho asked, trying to pull wooyoung's hands away from his face. he wasn't exactly in the mood for this right now.

but when wooyoung pulled his fingers away, all the lights had been turned down and jongho's attention was immediately drawn to the soft light of a tiny candle that was burning on top of a little cupcake that san was holding in his hands.

"what--" he asked, looking around at all seven men that had squished around him.

"happy birthday!" they all screamed in unison, smiles wide that were followed by hollering and hooting.

it took jongho a few seconds to react, not mentally prepared for something like this after he was woken up rather rudely. but he couldn't deny the warm burst of heat that spread throughout his chest, tingling down to his fingers and his chest. he reached out tentatively to the little cupcake that was no doubt a red velvet flavored one.

"is this," he asked softly, "for me?"

"oh course it is," yeosang sat next to him on the couch, slinging his arm over jongho's shoulders. "who else's birthday is it?"

"well i don't know," he mumbled softly, taking the little cupcake into his hands and holding it so very carefully.

"well it's your birthday today, our youngest is finally a whole year older," mingi said before pulling out his polaroid camera and motioning for everyone to get into place.

in a flash, all of them hopped onto the couch, squeezing into a small frame with jongho in the middle of them who was still trying to take in every thing. mingi turned the camera around, holding it high above his head as he sat in between jongho's legs, throwing up his iconic peace sign.

"1.. 2.. 3," and there came a blinding flash and the sound of the camera beeping. mingi moved away to take care of the picture that was trying to develop, and wooyoung wiggled his way behind jongho completely, pushing the other forward onto the couch so he could rest his chin on jongho's shoulder.

"how did you guys know?"

"yeosang told us. we were a little offended that you never told us after all these years," san answered, pinching jongho's ear in retaliation. 

and jongho just felt warm. he didn't feel out of place or overwhelmed by any of this. the small little cupcake had nearly moved him to tears again, the light flickering as he sucked in a deep breath. the way they had managed to be so casual about it but also so thoughtful at the same time, had jongho trying to swallow the lump in the back on his throat. 

"well now we know," hongjoong spoke. "he can't escape us now."

"but you pretended to not know anything today..."

"we really should be payed actors huh?" yeosang laughed while yunho shook his head very quickly in agreement. 

they all laughed softly, chuckles dying almost as quickly as they came. their attention turned to jongho expectantly. 

"well make a wish," seonghwa said softly.

"oh--" and jongho closed his eyes, taking a few moments to think about what he really wanted to wish for. usually on his birthdays, he wouldn't wish for anything important. but this time, he wanted it to be special. after he thought of his wish, he blew out the candle and watched the flame die instantly.

everyone clapped a few times, smiles all around.

"what did you wish for?" mingi asked him.

"shut up! you know if he tells, it won't come true!" wooyoung nearly cried at him, keeping a hand over jongho's mouth before he could even say anything.

jongho watched them with a gentle smile as they continued to bicker back and forth. his heart was over flowing with pure happiness and adoration. he realized then that this was really all he could ever wish for, this was the peak of his happiness. he was surrounded by those he loved, soft music in the background that yunho insisted they played, and jongho couldn't help but sit back against wooyoung and carefully eat his cupcake that definitely was homemade.

even though it wasn't traditional, seonghwa always loved his pink frosting. 

this day couldn't have been any better. it was perfect. 

when they all fell asleep, deciding to talk well into the night, sharing stories and trying their best to embarrass jongho with their funny stories they remembered of him; they had all managed to fall asleep right where they had been seated. expect for jongho, who was still very much wide awake.

he looked over all of them with admiration. these men that would be considered murders looked absolutely precious in their sleep, and jongho couldn't help but run his hand over yeosang's cheek softly as the older had fallen asleep on his lap. he continued to watch them some more, warmth continuing to spread around his body and a soft chuckle when he heard yunho snore just a little.

moving as carefully as he could, trying his best to not wake yeosang up, he reached forward to grab the picture that mingi had taken of them all earlier that night. it has finally finished curing, and jongho couldn't help the smile that took over his face.

he could see hongjoong and san sitting on top of the couch, using their hands to create bunny ears on both yeosang and seonghwa who were seated on either side of him. both of them had their lips pressed to jongho's cheeks, and he brought his hand up to touch the same place where he could very vividly feel them still present there. wooyoung had the widest smile of them all, squished behind jongho with mingi and yunho sitting at his feet with giant smiles as well. 

jongho brought the picture to his chest, his heart skipping a beat. 

he decided that was the best birthday present he could ever receive. whether it was intented to be a present or not, did not matter to him.

jongho decided he would always keep that picture on him until the day he died. 

the youngest yawned after a few more minutes of looking at the picture, deciding to maneuver himself and yeosang into a more comfortable position for sleeping. jongho fitted himself right next to seonghwa on the couch, pressing his nose into the oldest's chest and inhaling his overly calming scent. seonghwa threw his arm overly jongho carefully, pulling him into him even more.

jongho had never felt more safe in his entire life. 

right before he fell asleep, listening to the older's soft breathing, he thought back to his wish. it had been simple if you asked him. 

he wished that all of them someday would be able to go out and enjoy the world like they had talked. once all of this was over one way or another, jongho wished they would move somewhere over seas and escape all of this. he wished that they would be able to start a new life for themselves, and live a stress free until hopefully nature takes them. 

that's what he wished for.

and it's safe to say, jongho fell asleep that night, thinking about all the possibilities the future held for them, with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed !! thank y'all for reading !

**Author's Note:**

> the meaning behind the chapter title, is that pleiades are seven daughters of titan atlas and one myth says that all of them committed suicide over grief of their sisters' death, the hyades.


End file.
